Self-Care is a Tool, not a Crutch, to Doing Things Well

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: All right.

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The coach is in.

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We are your hosts, Cat and Irene.

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Irene Uy: I'm Irene.

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I moved to the U.

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S.

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on my own 10 years ago.

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I have a background in management

engineering, earned my master's

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degree from Columbia, and secured

my permanent residence through work.

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I spent my career in real estate,

And I'm now a certified coach and

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: accredited with ICF

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and I'm Cat.

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My parents came to the States from

the Philippines in the: 1960

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landed in Milwaukee, where I was born.

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I now live in Chicago with

my two daughters and husband.

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I've always been multi passionate

and multi hyphenate and presently

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I serve others as an attorney,

podcaster, and in the personal

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development space as a retreat host

and as a certified coach as well.

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Irene Uy: Join us as we share our

stories and hear from business leaders,

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generational pioneers, and experts as

we discuss the personal, relational, and

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professional challenges we immigrants

and children of immigrants, face.

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Being a type A person myself, I

do relate with you and I think the

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past, after I quit my corporate job,

after, during the pandemic actually.

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It's I've been in this space where I'm

like, sort of figuring out the balance

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between like, how far to push myself

and how far to push self care, because

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like those are two different values that

sort of pulling in different directions.

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Right.

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And, um, what I, you know, moving forward

after that I did not want to go back to

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that old Irene where I'm like, Oh, okay.

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I'm just going to ignore my, the

signs of my body, sleep two hours

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and just get the work done, right?

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Because I was ignoring my body.

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I was ignoring my needs.

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Cause I also at that point, like, um,

even though I was negotiating for work,

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I wasn't negotiating for myself because I

didn't feel like I, that was, um, worthy

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of my time, I needed to get the work

done, but I wasn't really, um, mindful of

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what I wanted to get out of it, you know?

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So, um, Yeah, like the self care,

like prioritizing yourself versus like

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just getting it all done, like the.

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The work machines that we've turned into.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yes.

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Yes.

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And it's, I think that something that's

coming up for me as you're sharing this

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is the returns on self care sometimes

for me, at least are less obvious and

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you have to stick with it longer to

really understand and feel the reap the

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greatest rewards that I think that's

part of why hustle culture can feel so.

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Uh, rewarding or maybe addictive

sometimes is you have a checklist

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and you're checking things off or

there's like, you know, I mean,

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and I, and I have systems like this

too, that kind of feed into that.

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And at the same time, like you're saying,

there's this push and pull, but, um,

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you know, there are, we have systems out

there that, that tell us how productive we

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are, like, whether it's how many dollars

are in our bank account, how many times,

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you know, things did we, Get done quote

unquote today, which is a little bit Uh,

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you know, and like counter, you can't put,

uh, or you, I guess you could, but like,

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if you put meditation on your checklist

and it's feeling like work, then maybe

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that's not the right self care that you

need, you know, or maybe self care isn't

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occupying the space, uh, in a healthy way.

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Um, Yeah, so for me, I feel like

sometimes self care, it, it doesn't

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look the same, but it's, it might

mean sleeping an extra 30 minutes.

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It might mean, um, going for a walk

or working out, but you know, it's

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not always something that's easily

quantified and you have to, like

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you were saying about noticing the

signs of your body, you have to pay

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attention to what do you really need.

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And that's not easy to put on a

checklist or necessarily like quantify.

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Um, And track some in a linear way.

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I don't know.

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Irene Uy: Not right away at least, right?

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Cause it's not an on and off

switch that people turn on.

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It's a practice that you really have

to develop because like you said,

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the, you know, putting meditation

in your calendar ends up becoming a

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chore and that now it's become kind of

counterproductive because you use that

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time up without getting what needed

out of your meditation or your rest.

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Because I know some people like, Oh,

I'm going to take a nap, but they

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don't want to put a time limit to it.

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Because.

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Um, they don't really sleep until like,

you know, the moment you put a time limit

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to it, it's like it suddenly feels like

where I have to sleep and the moment that

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I'm not sleeping by the time the timer

starts, I'm, you know, I'm, I'm messed up.

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Like, it's become a chore.

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It's, it's so fun.

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Um, but I also wanted to add that some

people like, you know, um, It's hard

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for people to start their self care

journey because you hear different voices

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like, you know, from well intentioned

friends and family telling you like

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oh no you should work hard because

you can't quit your job or whatever.

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But self care does have a learning curve.

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Oh, no.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah.

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You can't just, uh, yeah, I, I feel like

a lot of times and myself included, like

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I kind of think I need to default to

these things that so many people say are.

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Are helpful.

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And if I, and it can go one of two ways.

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One is it just doesn't work.

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Uh, or is not what I need for self care.

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And the other one is sometimes I don't

give things enough time or, you know, I'm

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not meaning to generalize my experiences

on other people, but, you know, there

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is a time when I, Like in my thirties,

it's like, I'm going to journal.

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And so I would do it and I would

be do it for maybe two weeks.

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And then I'd fall off the wagon

when I finally got to a place

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where I was actually journaling

and not a certain number of pages.

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This is just what worked for me,

but not a certain number of pages.

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Um, it might just be five things

I'm grateful for that day.

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Um, you know, whatever it might be, but.

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Taking the time to capture

what's in my brain and put it

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into a text form somewhere.

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Um, it was only after like giving

myself the freedom to make it look

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like what worked for me and finally

doing it relatively consistently

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that I started to feel like, Oh,

I kind of get why people like.

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journaling and why it makes sense.

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There's this brain dump, there's

this reference point, there's, it,

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it feels like, you know, you're

doing something for yourself.

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All this to say that,

yeah, self care is tricky.

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Self care is tricky.

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Irene Uy: I love that you, um, explain

it in that way because I feel like

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as type A high achieving people, um,

we want things optimized right away,

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but the mess is part of the process.

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The mess is part of the learning.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: I love that.

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Yes.

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And I think, you know, before we hit

record, that's sort of what we were,

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um, touching on was, It's interesting

to see how we can also have varying

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levels of mess embracing, depending

on what area of life we're looking at.

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So I mentioned to Irene that when it

comes to parenting, I am very much

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like done is better than perfect.

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Uh, messy is better

than like, do it messy.

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And so that, that's just how

I parent and how I've evolved.

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But In this podcasting space, or

sometimes in the coaching space,

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I'm a little less that way.

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Uh, and so finding that, that sweet

spot of, you know, how can I let go

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of some of that counterproductive, uh,

high standards or perfectionism, uh, and

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embrace imperfection, et cetera, while

also not, um, landing in a place that

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feels as if I'm, uh, not serving the

client the way I'd like to, you know, so.

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All those different inputs

and and it's alerting.

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It's messy.

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Like you were saying.

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Irene Uy: Um, so I love

everything that you're sharing.

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Um, because what's coming up for me

is like, what, what's the, what's

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triggering the pressure to, to perform

to that standard and whose standards

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are you living by exactly right?

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Because for me, it's always like

these outside voices like, I have to,

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um, meet someone else's expectations

because in reality, um, the mess

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that we do and whatever hard work we

put into, we really don't know what

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the outcome would be in reality.

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And the openness to an outcome

that, um, we didn't really foresee

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is part of the process too.

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Because sometimes the outcome is

even better than we had expected it

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to be, or sometimes it's different

than what we expected it to be.

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Um, Not to say it's better or worse,

but it's just different, you know?

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah, I

think it's a good question because

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Depends like you were saying it.

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There's definitely these external

inputs that You know set perhaps a

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standard subconsciously that makes one

think I want it to look this way, or

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I feel like I should be doing it this

way, or it should have this impact.

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And what I'm hearing you remind me of

is that like the kind of the effort

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and, and letting go of the outcome, it

can be so helpful and can, can really,

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if looking at that can really be, um,

A mindset shift that frees you from

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feeling this pressure of like, ah, this

needs to be, I need to be recording this

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at X time in this background with this

kind of room with, in this kind of brain

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space and with this level of energy,

you know, um, and just letting things

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happen and, and knowing that the showing

up in some ways, um, the most important

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thing and the what, where, when, why.

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May be secondary.

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Um, yeah, what it's funny, like the

thing that popped up when you were

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saying, like, you're curious about

what's leading to a sense of expectation.

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There is a, uh, quote that I think is St.

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Vincent de Paul, but I'm not 100

percent sure, but some kind of Catholic

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leader, thought leader, um, but around,

like, it's not enough to do something,

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you have to do it well, and I, I, I

kind of love that in the sense that,

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We, we want, we want to show

up as in the best way we can.

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Um, it's not, for instance, in my

mind, it's like, okay, if you're going

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to be in a relationship, um, yeah,

you can show up for the date or you

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can, um, pay your share of the bills.

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Um, but is that all that

constitutes a relationship?

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No.

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Like there's, to have a healthy

relationship, there has to be

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those emotional connections and

compassion and intent, uh, and

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figuring out what's important to

each other and working with that.

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So I, I, I wholeheartedly

agree with the concept of.

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Taking into account like the holistic

picture of what it looks like to do

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something, um, well, you know, um,

and I think where it can feel like

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external pressure is when, when that

well is defined by someone else.

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So I could just as easily

define well to mean, um, like

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I'm enthusiastic about this.

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And that's what well means to me versus

well means, uh, you know, 30 minutes

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of a perfectly edited podcast episode,

or 30 minutes, 60 minutes of a power

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vinyasa class, you know, um, so that

I think that's And that's where the

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flexibility comes in and I have to

check myself because I sometimes by

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default over time just end up picking

things that, Oh, shouldn't I want this?

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Yeah, let's do the, the, the, the,

I need to do a class or I need to do

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this for 60 minutes for it to count.

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The reason fitness is coming into play

is I, this happened yesterday morning.

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I was I'm, I'm leaning into being

a morning workout person because I

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haven't been for a really long time,

but I've noticed that it's the time.

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Thank you for applauding.

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Irene was just clapping for me.

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Um, um, but I'm, I've just noticed

it's a time when fewer things

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are less likely to interfere.

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So yesterday morning, woke up, woke

up a little late, like a little slow

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to move, get dressed, et cetera.

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So I missed that.

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The, I would have missed the

start or I did miss the start of a

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particular class that I had in mind.

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I thought like, Oh, I'm not going to go

to the gym because I am not going to make

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that class that I really wanted to take.

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And then maybe five minutes passed and I

kind of sat with that thought and I was

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like, really, what's the outcome here?

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What's what does, cause that gut instinct

was to succeed in this fitness venture.

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You have to go to the 60

minute power vinyasa class.

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And then when I took a step back

and looked at it, like, wait

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a minute, movement at all and

fitness in the morning is the goal.

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So yeah, when you remove the must

make the 60 minute power vinyasa

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class and look at it that way.

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What becomes possible.

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And so, yeah, I went to the gym.

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I did the elliptical for 25

minutes and I felt great.

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And, and I know that it also is serving

that goal that I set for myself.

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But for some reason, my, like my

wiring wanted to go to like, must

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go to this class, but by, by.

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Expanding the definition of success, my

definition of well, um, doing it well.

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Um, it really allowed for more

freedom and ultimately a win for me.

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So I'm just talking through this,

like, it's a good reminder to me.

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Um, and so thank you for kind of

nudging this, this, I do have these

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mantras in my head, one of which is

that, you know, it's not enough to

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do something, you have to do it well.

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And it's empowering to know that.

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How well is defined is entirely up to me.

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Irene Uy: The two things are coming up

for me as you're sharing this, right?

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Because, um, the, um, is it

the former or the latter?

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The one where you said like, oh,

I must, I must go to this class.

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Um, it kind of reminds me

of Ray Dalio's approach.

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Um, he is the founder of

Bridgewater Associates, I think

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the largest hedge fund in the

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Mm hmm.

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Mm hmm.

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Irene Uy: in his book, Principles, he

talks about like how, um, We as humans,

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we have two versions of ourselves.

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One is the designer and one is the

person who executes the plan, basically.

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And I think it's helpful for some people,

like it's a very valid strategy, right,

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like somebody who like designs, okay,

this is what my calendar is going to

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look at, look like, and this is the plan.

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And the person who, the version of

myself who executes on that is, you

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know, somebody who doesn't question

the design anymore, because it's

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like, I'm, I'm, I'm the same way.

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It's like, I'm going to

sign up for this class.

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Do I go, do I not go up

until the very last second?

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And I'm like, now I just, I wasted

all that time, like thinking

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whether I'm going or not when, you

know, I could have just applied.

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Oh, you know, I've already decided

like when I made my calendar that

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I'm going so I'm just going to go.

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That's one way which could

be effective for some people.

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And the other way is really, um, And

I also relate to this because I feel

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like, um, you and I actually, and a

lot of people might be able to relate.

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We like to learn a lot

of things, all at once.

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And so we sort of like, you know, when,

when I am exposed to new things, it's

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like, okay, now I have to be this.

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And now I have the goalpost just never

ends because now that we're connected,

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on the internet and social media, there's

just, So many things out there that we

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think we should be right away right now.

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Um, that, uh, it's sort of

overwhelming to live up to all these

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expectations that we've absorbed

because we have too much exposure.

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Um, and the way that I like to go about

that is like, okay, well, this is where

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I'm at right now and I'm gonna, um, work

on this, um, that, whatever, um, whatever

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I see online, whatever I'm exposed

to, whatever I can learn next time.

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I will not, um, push myself or I will

not, um, put myself in a situation where

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now I'm expecting to be that when I

don't really have the time to learn to

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be whatever that is that my new exposure.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Mm.

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And how do you manage,

like, the recognition?

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Because it's one thing to say, It's

to have the feelings of, I want to

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be this, I want to learn all of this.

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And it's the, it's another thing

to recognize that you may not have

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the time or the bandwidth to honor

that desire in an effective way.

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Like I'm curious, cause I think a

lot of people might just dive in.

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There's so many, I hear a lot of online

content people talking about, like,

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do you have, do Have you taken all

the courses and, or have you started a

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billion things, but you never finished?

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Like, and it's a, it clearly

they're speaking to a pain

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point for so many people.

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I'm just curious how, like, how, how

do you navigate identifying before

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you even sign up for the class?

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Like, this is not something that I, yeah,

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Irene Uy: bringing that up

because I feel like that's

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exactly me like you know we're in.

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And dated with so many emails

like, Oh, sign up for this

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course and read this book.

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And that I'm like, and for me, I'm like,

Oh yes, that's, that sounds interesting.

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Like, I need to learn that.

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: 00:18:20

And I need to read this book.

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: 00:18:22

And I realized like, Oh, I'm in

this loop because I, I'm trying to

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: 00:18:26

digest all this material and like the

courses and with different coaches.

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: 00:18:30

And it's just impossible.

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: 00:18:32

It takes.

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I'm not sure if I'm going to digest like

the videos, even though they're free.

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: 00:18:38

Or reading a book takes time.

294

: 00:18:40

And on top of that, like, besides

just going through the content once.

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: 00:18:44

Digesting the information so that

it, it goes into my long term memory

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: 00:18:48

and really understanding and relating

that to my current, um, repertoire

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: 00:18:53

of knowledge takes time too.

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: 00:18:56

So I need some, I realized that I

need some breathing room to really

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like sit on the material, um, relate

that to something that's relevant

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to me and put it into action.

301

: 00:19:08

So, you know, the cycle of my learning

is really like learning the material.

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: 00:19:13

Reflecting on it, deciding what to do with

it, and then putting it to action, right?

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: 00:19:22

And so I've given myself a lot of, um,

uh, leeway to like say, this is the,

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: 00:19:27

this is the material that I'm learning.

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: 00:19:29

That's, that's it for now.

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: 00:19:32

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: It sounds like

you know yourself and, and you at

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: 00:19:37

various points in time collected bits

of information about how you, what

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: 00:19:41

you need to absorb the information.

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: 00:19:44

You know, you need the breathing room,

et cetera, um, in order to process

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: 00:19:49

the, uh, the new knowledge, et cetera.

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: 00:19:51

And all of that, it like, I, I, I

am applauding the acknowledgement of

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: 00:19:59

who you are and, you know, using that

as the baseline for what's possible.

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: 00:20:05

Cause I think a lot of times folks,

I mean, myself included, like where

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: 00:20:10

you forget or deny, like, I, I, I

have time, like, nevermind the fact

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: 00:20:16

that you've got weddings to go to and

school starting or whatever, you know?

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: 00:20:21

And, uh, so there's kind of almost

like this rebellious bit of denial

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: 00:20:25

or just refusal to acknowledge.

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: 00:20:28

realities.

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: 00:20:29

Um, so it's just great that, um,

what you're describing sounds like.

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: 00:20:33

Be realistic with who you

are and what's on your plate.

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: 00:20:37

Um, and then honor your, who you are by

carving out whatever it is that you need

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: 00:20:44

in order to account for this commitment.

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: 00:20:48

Um, and I like what you said too,

about like absorbing, deciding.

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: 00:20:54

And then taking action, um, because it's

kind of dovetails with what you were

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: 00:20:58

describing Ray Dalio was talking about.

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: 00:21:00

But once you decide something, I feel

like deciding is sometimes the biggest

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: 00:21:06

hurdle, like people go back and forth.

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: 00:21:08

What do I do?

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: 00:21:09

What do I do?

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: 00:21:09

It's the right thing.

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: 00:21:10

I want clarity.

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: 00:21:12

But once you decide, 90

percent of the battle.

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: 00:21:18

And then the rest of the

10 percent is commitment.

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: 00:21:20

Like, What's, what's, what's the follow

along after you've made this decision?

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: 00:21:25

How do you, how are you going

to show up for that decision?

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: 00:21:28

How do you, how does that,

are you that way too?

337

: 00:21:30

Hmm.

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: 00:21:30

Mm

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: 00:21:32

Irene Uy: I love that because like

actually, um, my husband tells

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: 00:21:35

me that, you know, I've never met

anyone who keeps on changing her

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: 00:21:38

mind and I do change my mind a lot.

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: 00:21:39

So I'm on the same boat as he is.

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: 00:21:42

And I'm thinking to myself,

like, wait, wait a minute.

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: 00:21:44

Like, that's how my dad is.

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: 00:21:46

Whenever my dad is like that, I'm

asking what new information did

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: 00:21:49

you, um, realize that, you know,

made you flip the decision, right?

347

: 00:21:55

Because like, why would you flip a

decision because there's new information

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: 00:21:58

or you changed your heart about it.

349

: 00:22:00

And, but the only way that you're

really going to know for sure

350

: 00:22:04

test out the decision is through

action, because otherwise you're

351

: 00:22:07

just like, um, negotiating

with yourself inside your head.

352

: 00:22:10

And that doesn't move anyone forward.

353

: 00:22:14

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah,

it's, and that is a learning.

354

: 00:22:17

And I think sometimes.

355

: 00:22:19

People can learn it in one arena and

then, and implement that, like, I

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: 00:22:24

know I need to take action to figure

out what the right path forward is.

357

: 00:22:29

Um, but yeah, people might implement

it in one area of their lives, but

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: 00:22:33

not necessarily feel comfortable

to do that in another area.

359

: 00:22:37

But I completely agree that

the thinking isn't enough.

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: 00:22:42

Like you can, it's like Hamlet, right?

361

: 00:22:45

Where, uh, just overthinking and,

and stewing and rumination around

362

: 00:22:51

like, what, what's the best thing?

363

: 00:22:53

Well, yes, taking action is

what's going to give you the

364

: 00:22:56

information to figure that out.

365

: 00:22:58

Um, so yeah, I love that you

366

: 00:23:00

Irene Uy: The, the other part of

that that I thought about just now

367

: 00:23:03

is like, perhaps we are afraid to

own up to the consequences of the

368

: 00:23:09

re of the result of that decision.

369

: 00:23:10

And that's a bigger part of it, right?

370

: 00:23:12

Like, why are you afraid to take the step?

371

: 00:23:16

It's because you, um, haven't quite.

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: 00:23:22

Develop the gut to face the

content, the potential consequences.

373

: 00:23:27

And on the flip side of that, you,

you also are not prepared to, um, I'm

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: 00:23:34

trying to find the word because I read

somewhere that, you know, you're healing

375

: 00:23:37

not to be able to endure the pain, you're

healing to be able to endure the joy.

376

: 00:23:44

So in the same, vein, when you

make a decision, if you're not

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: 00:23:48

ready to face the consequences,

you're also not ready to face.

378

: 00:23:52

Um, the winds almost, right?

379

: 00:23:56

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: mm, mm.

380

: 00:23:58

That's, that's interesting.

381

: 00:24:00

Yeah, I hadn't thought of it that way.

382

: 00:24:02

Um,

383

: 00:24:05

yeah, huh.

384

: 00:24:08

You're just, certainly,

the, uh, by not healing.

385

: 00:24:13

It, those joys are not, um, on the

table as opportunities, uh, they,

386

: 00:24:19

they're not possibilities in the

same way they are as if you do heal.

387

: 00:24:24

So I, that I see, I can, I

had to sit with that, but I

388

: 00:24:29

Irene Uy: Mm hmm.

389

: 00:24:30

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: the intention

is behind the statement for sure.

390

: 00:24:34

Hmm.

391

: 00:24:35

Yeah.

392

: 00:24:36

Um,

393

: 00:24:37

Irene Uy: I was thinking, like,

this actually ties into our earlier

394

: 00:24:39

conversation when I was talking about,

like, you know, my three pronged

395

: 00:24:42

approach to life, which is, like,

relationships, health, and finances.

396

: 00:24:45

Because a lot of people, especially in

Asian families, they, all they see is,

397

: 00:24:49

like, oh, you know, um, because financial

security is also a survival thing, right?

398

: 00:24:53

Like, it's very important.

399

: 00:24:54

Mm hmm.

400

: 00:24:55

So what, what, um, the tangible thing

that people see is like how much money

401

: 00:24:59

you're making, like, are you secure?

402

: 00:25:01

Are you able to afford shelter and

raise a family, blah, blah, blah.

403

: 00:25:04

Um, but for a lot of people, including

myself, um, it's hard to work on

404

: 00:25:09

that when, um, you don't have a clear

understanding of your identity, of

405

: 00:25:14

your relationships and your health.

406

: 00:25:16

Um, because, um, you know, as, as

we now understand, um, what with our

407

: 00:25:22

exposure with health and coaching

is that a lot of people have a lot

408

: 00:25:27

of mental roadblocks, um, from their

previous experiences, be that in

409

: 00:25:31

school, family, or their previous work

experiences that hold them back, right?

410

: 00:25:36

Like, they're not able to.

411

: 00:25:38

Um, speak up for themselves at work.

412

: 00:25:41

Um, they're not able to negotiate

for themselves because they

413

: 00:25:43

don't feel like they deserve it.

414

: 00:25:45

And so, you know, I'm working on healing

ourselves is actually going to propel all

415

: 00:25:55

the other aspects of our lives, including,

um, Our financial goals like when we

416

: 00:26:02

finally work towards our financial.

417

: 00:26:04

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: hmm.

418

: 00:26:05

Mm hmm.

419

: 00:26:06

Yeah, I, I, um, you were relating, uh,

stories earlier about how healing your

420

: 00:26:12

relationships and we're doing the work

in that arena has actually opened up,

421

: 00:26:17

uh, more financial possibility for you.

422

: 00:26:20

And, uh, and, uh, like without doing

that work, you wouldn't be able to

423

: 00:26:25

unlock those opportunities or the, those

possibilities, um, in the same way.

424

: 00:26:31

Uh, I, I think that's Yeah,

that's so much of it, right?

425

: 00:26:35

It's like, what are those issues?

426

: 00:26:37

What are those, uh, limiting beliefs?

427

: 00:26:40

Um, what, why do you think

the way that you think?

428

: 00:26:44

And is this what you really want?

429

: 00:26:46

Like, has it been serving you?

430

: 00:26:48

It's so fascinating.

431

: 00:26:49

And I think all the things that we as

coaches try to, uh, tackle, um, and I

432

: 00:26:55

love, I just love that you brought that

up because I think sometimes people

433

: 00:26:59

lose Um, people get really wrapped up in

tactics, um, because there's a lot out

434

: 00:27:06

there and yeah, you can see some short

term results like, okay, I'm going to

435

: 00:27:11

put whatever 2 percent of my savings

or you know, like automatic withdrawals

436

: 00:27:16

or like, there's, there's definitely

some guidelines and metrics that are,

437

: 00:27:21

and tactics that are easy to implement.

438

: 00:27:24

Um, but if you don't also get

at the underlying emotional.

439

: 00:27:33

um, you, you probably won't end up

where you want to, or if you do, it's

440

: 00:27:39

only going to be that way on paper.

441

: 00:27:41

And when it comes time to actually spend

it, who knows how things might turn out?

442

: 00:27:46

You know, like I, I'm a big fan

of, uh, this author Ramit Sethi.

443

: 00:27:50

He wrote a book called, I

will teach you to be rich.

444

: 00:27:53

And he has a podcast and things

like that, but he, he dives a

445

: 00:27:57

lot into like, why is it that.

446

: 00:28:02

You feel like you can't invest or why is

it that your husband's spending triggers

447

: 00:28:08

you, you know, and then it turns out that

yes, there's family issues or there's

448

: 00:28:12

past experiences that make them fearful

or resentful or, um, you know, freeze

449

: 00:28:18

up, uh, and, and truly like getting

at the heart of the wise is essential.

450

: 00:28:25

Like, you can have all, all your ducks

in a row, but if the, if your heart and

451

: 00:28:31

your soul isn't behind it and kind of

looking to use, um, that alignment in

452

: 00:28:37

a positive way moving forward, like it

just, it, uh, you still won't be happy.

453

: 00:28:43

Irene Uy: Yeah, or I feel like people

who have worked have been working on

454

: 00:28:46

their financial goals while, um, you

know, not really paying attention to, uh,

455

: 00:28:52

their health and their relationships and

everything else that they carry within

456

: 00:28:56

their heart and soul, they are still able

to achieve, um, their financial goals.

457

: 00:29:01

It just takes up so

much more energy, right?

458

: 00:29:04

Whereas when you release your, of the

weight of your emotional baggage, um,

459

: 00:29:09

by working on your relationships and

also like your health, then, um, these

460

: 00:29:14

Other two pillars sort of work with you

to achieve your other goals, like in in

461

: 00:29:20

this case, your financial goal, right?

462

: 00:29:22

Um, sorry.

463

: 00:29:24

I thought about another conversation

that I had because someone that I

464

: 00:29:28

recently spoke with said, um, you

know, why am I working on myself?

465

: 00:29:34

Why am I doing the inner work?

466

: 00:29:35

Because I'm also, um, uh,

what do you call this?

467

: 00:29:40

It helps me, um, See, um, how other people

are emotionally manipulating me because

468

: 00:29:46

I know there, there are people who like,

you know, maybe successful, but they

469

: 00:29:50

don't see how they're being manipulated

and negotiations or how they're being

470

: 00:29:54

guilted into like, um, sending money.

471

: 00:29:57

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Oh, well,

Irene, I feel like this has

472

: 00:29:59

been a great conversation.

473

: 00:30:01

Um, what do you have any parting?

474

: 00:30:05

Like, what's your parting thought

to leave with the listeners?

475

: 00:30:09

Irene Uy: so as I'm reflecting on that

conversation today, we, I mean, as, as

476

: 00:30:14

usual, we go on different topics, but

what stood out for me is that it's,

477

: 00:30:18

uh, we talked about self care , as

a, tool to combat perfectionism.

478

: 00:30:23

And the other part of our conversation

today really revolved around, doing

479

: 00:30:28

the inner work so that all of

your goals are in alignment, right?

480

: 00:30:31

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah.

481

: 00:30:32

Yeah.

482

: 00:30:32

Yeah.

483

: 00:30:33

The inner work, um, comes, has to

come first or at least at the very

484

: 00:30:39

least be simultaneous to, uh, the

work on other goals, but doing the

485

: 00:30:42

inner work, um, is so important.

486

: 00:30:46

Yeah.

487

: 00:30:46

That, that definitely

is a takeaway for me.

488

: 00:30:48

I was thinking about how you

were describing giving yourself

489

: 00:30:52

the appropriate amount of space

and time to process a course or

490

: 00:30:57

take in information, uh, so that.

491

: 00:31:00

You could then move forward with a

decision and after that take action.

492

: 00:31:05

And I think, uh, accounting for our own

realities and being, being honest with

493

: 00:31:10

ourselves, which I think a lot of times,

um, we don't want to be honest with

494

: 00:31:16

ourselves cause it's less comfortable.

495

: 00:31:18

It may be uncomfortable.

496

: 00:31:19

We may be holding ourselves to

unrealistic standards or high

497

: 00:31:23

expectations that don't serve us.

498

: 00:31:25

And, um, you know, just kind of.

499

: 00:31:29

taking a frank look at things and, and,

and being willing to work with what

500

: 00:31:34

you have and start with where you are.

501

: 00:31:36

Um, that, that kind of resonated with

me from, from our conversation, as well

502

: 00:31:41

as, I mean, and that kind of plays into,

you get to decide what well looks like.

503

: 00:31:48

So if you're going to do something well,

you get to decide what what well means.

504

: 00:31:53

So for me, you know, depending on the

arena, it may be showing up messy, or

505

: 00:31:58

it may be, um, you know, just showing

up at the gym, even if it's for 10

506

: 00:32:04

minutes on the treadmill versus,

you know, 90 minutes or whatever,

507

: 00:32:10

whatever else might be at play.

508

: 00:32:11

But, um, giving yourself permission

to write your own definition of

509

: 00:32:18

what well looks like, uh, I think

is one of the things I would

510

: 00:32:21

like to leave with listeners.

511

: 00:32:24

Irene Uy: I love that.

512

: 00:32:26

I hope that today's episode was

meaningful for our audience.

513

: 00:32:30

And if there was anything that stood

out or you want to hear more of or

514

: 00:32:33

dive deeper into, because I feel like

a lot of our topics can really expand

515

: 00:32:37

into, um, a deeper conversation, please

just leave it in the comments below.

516

: 00:32:43

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Great.

517

: 00:32:43

Thanks, Irene.

518

: 00:32:46

As we wrap up today's session,

we invite you to reflect on what

519

: 00:32:50

resonated with you in today's episode.

520

: 00:32:52

If you're interested in exploring

the topic as it relates to your

521

: 00:32:55

own personal experience, head

to the show notes and visit

522

: 00:32:58

www.thecoachisinpodcast.com

523

: 00:33:03

Irene Uy: get ready to break personal,

cultural, or generational barriers.

524

: 00:33:08

That gets in the way of being the

best version of yourself and living

525

: 00:33:12

the best version of your life.