The Joy is in the Chaos

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: All right.

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The coach is in.

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We are your hosts, Cat and Irene.

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Irene Uy: I'm Irene.

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I moved to the U.

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S.

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on my own 10 years ago.

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I have a background in management

engineering, earned my master's

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degree from Columbia, and secured

my permanent residence through work.

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I spent my career in real estate,

And I'm now a certified coach and

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: accredited with ICF

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and I'm Cat.

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My parents came to the States from

the Philippines in the: 1960

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landed in Milwaukee, where I was born.

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I now live in Chicago with

my two daughters and husband.

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I've always been multi passionate

and multi hyphenate and presently

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I serve others as an attorney,

podcaster, and in the personal

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development space as a retreat host

and as a certified coach as well.

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Irene Uy: Join us as we share our

stories and hear from business leaders,

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generational pioneers, and experts as

we discuss the personal, relational, and

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professional challenges we immigrants

and children of immigrants, face.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Irene, I'm so

excited to be chatting with you.

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We haven't connected in a while,

so I, I'm guessing that we each

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have lots of ground to cover when

it comes to things to talk about.

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Irene Uy: Yeah, I know, right?

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I don't know how much you're

willing to share, but I'll start.

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Since the last time we saw each other,

there's a lot that's been going on.

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I got married.

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Um, so our families were here.

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My husband's mom actually also

got her kidney transplant.

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Oh my gosh.

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I haven't told you that.

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Um, all good things, right?

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Oh,

is she, is she doing okay?

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Irene Uy: She's doing great.

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Actually.

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She's getting stronger now.

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She can walk.

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So, yeah, we're, we're very

happy that, um, this actually

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happened in the span of a week.

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Like we had the tea ceremony

and then within that week,

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she got her kidney transplant.

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So she wasn't able to attend the

wedding, but, you know, we're looking

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forward to like what's next to come

because now that she's able to.

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Um, travel, um, we'll

see where that takes us.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Oh

my gosh, that's great.

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I didn't realize, well, yeah, I

didn't realize that she, uh, was

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not, you know, in 100 percent health.

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And so, like you said, getting

a, like a new lease on something

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from a health perspective, um,

that has to feel, feel good.

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And I'm glad to hear she's

healing and recovering well.

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Irene Uy: Yeah.

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What about you, Cat?

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What have you been up to?

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Ah,

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Well, so you may

have heard the term May cember bounced

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around when it comes to families with

kids, in school because May feels a

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lot like December where there's like

party, banquet, end of year, like gifts

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galore for, you know, it all kicks

off with teacher appreciation week.

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And then at my girl's school, they

had, uh, like a junior high formal

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at the beginning of the month.

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One of my daughters graduated and

had her confirmation and my other

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daughter's super involved in dance.

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So there's end of year competitions

and recitals and showcases.

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And so it, it feels like, you know,

but like the end of the calendar year

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where you're racing to get in all sorts

of fun, um, sometimes stressful, uh,

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but ultimately, you know, you, you

finish off the month or feeling like.

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Wow.

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That was a lot.

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And I'm kind of proud of myself for

making, making it through without any

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huge arguments or blowouts or breakdowns.

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Irene Uy: It seems like, you know,

sometimes life takes over us, right?

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yes.

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Yes.

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I feel like You know, I may have touched

on this in the past, but before you get

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to this stage of parenting, uh, your,

your schedule can kind of feel, uh, like

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the only things that jump in are, uh,

holidays or the seasons, you know, like

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there's proof of change, but like when

my kids were in daycare, they just went

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to daycare every day from, you know, 8

AM till 5 PM and that was year round.

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And, but when they started school

and started their own activities

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and getting into things that, um,

hold them in different directions,

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it, it like the schedule kind

of takes on a life of its own.

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So, um, it's, it can be hard, or I

know it was hard for me to adjust.

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To to thinking like to recalibrating my

expectations for myself during this time.

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Um, because I think I kind of didn't

either didn't anticipate or wasn't

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willing to initially accept that.

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This is just how it has to be.

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There's only so many hours in the day.

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I only have so much energy and.

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In order for me to show up the way I

want to for my family, um, which is

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one of my core values, you know, as

being like an exceptional parent and

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an exceptional partner, I need to let

certain other things take the back burner

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so that I can be there for these people.

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In this way, and, um, yeah, it, it's

taken me years to kind of come around to

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that realization and that place of, um,

acceptance because I think for a long time

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I thought, oh, if I just hustle harder

or if I sleep less, or if I, you know,

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Divvy up the schedule in a certain way and

multitask, then I'll be able to still do

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everything at the same level, even though

these areas are extra demanding in May.

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Um, so yeah, it's been a, it's,

it's played out like that where.

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You know, I, my fitness routine has

taken a break, uh, you know, and, uh, I'm

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not cooking as much or I'm not cleaning

at the same level as I do when, you

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know, these things aren't coming up.

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Yeah.

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So yeah, that's been my day.

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Irene Uy: Yeah.

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And what a process that must have been

for you to get to that point of like

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just self acceptance and realization.

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Right.

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Because, we truly never really

know what's, um, you know,

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what's going to happen next.

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Go in it for us.

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I guess you enter like

different stages in life.

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And which is I think why it's important

also to be talking about these things.

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And thank you for sharing.

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Because I'm pretty sure our listeners,

would appreciate, having, someone

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share their firsthand experience.

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You know, like for someone like me

who just got married, um, and who

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might see myself in your position in

the future, um, it would help to like

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hear someone's experience firsthand.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah.

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Thank you for saying that.

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Yeah.

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I, it reminds me of when I had a newborn

and, feeling so frustrated and at moments

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alone and having a positive attitude

knowing that this was a blessing, but

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also feeling incredibly inept and like,

no one gives you a manual for this or,

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or, and having at that point in time,

eventually, a number of new moms are

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like, It's going to suck like you're

going to second guess whether or not

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you should have had kids or you're

going to feel like you're a terrible

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mom and all of this is just part of it.

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It doesn't mean that it's true.

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These are your feelings.

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They come and go.

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You're sleep deprived.

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You know, having a kid is a totally

different experience than anything you've

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ever learned and mastered and executed

against in your professional life or your,

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you know, your previous personal life.

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So.

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Yeah.

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To your point about hearing how

other people have, you know,

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navigated and had the same feelings

for sure can be so helpful.

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So yes, I'm happy to,

word vomit as needed.

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Irene Uy: Yeah.

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And, you know, for our audience,

It's like listening into our podcast.

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Um, I think, um, the value that, um,

you might take away from this is the

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intersectionality of the experiences

that Cat and I bring to the table.

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Um, we're both, um, uh, I'm, I'm

an immigrant from the Philippines

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and Cat is a children of immigrant.

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Um, and we're at different life stages.

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So we have different perspectives to

offer, um, for the topics that we, uh,

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that might come up in conversation.

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And I don't know about you, me

personally, I've become more, um,

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Open and candid about like my own

experiences and like my identity.

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Um, because I'm an expert in my

own experience and I, I, you know,

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yes.

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Yes.

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Uh, you know, on, on that note, uh,

I feel like we have not had a deep

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dive into the emotional transformation

that weddings can carry with them.

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I, I loved, uh, so obviously the listeners

can't, See this, but Irene had like

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an engagement video and then a post

wedding video that they captured so

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many beautiful moments from those times

and, and, you know, your relationship.

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And, um, I, so it's, it's fun to have that

glimpse into your world and I'm curious

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the emotions behind it and, you know, what

came up for you as you were, you know, in

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the throes of this life changing event.

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Irene Uy: Where do I even begin?

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Um, yeah, because I mean to get to

the point of the wedding, like, you

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know, I could, I could start with like

how the relationship started also.

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But, um, I think the videos, um,

will showcase, um, certain glimpses

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of, of the day itself and, um,

uh, our relationship as a couple.

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Um, what did it, what it did not

show was the chaos behind all

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of it because it was chaotic.

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But all that to say, it was still

the best day of my life ever because

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I got to spend it with the people.

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But that, um, mean so much to us, right?

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It was a very small wedding.

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Um, and these are the people

that I've known over the years.

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Um, the ceremony itself was, um, I don't

know, like I had to prepare myself because

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even though these are the people that

we already, um, are, are, are close to

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us, I was not, there was nothing that

could have prepared me for that moment.

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Like, I did not expect to feel the

way that I did as the doors were

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opening and everyone would see me and

my dad and, you know, see me in my

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dress and my dad walking beside me.

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Um, my husband now, um, almost.

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Teared up during the exchange of vows,

you know, like these are things that

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you normally I did not know that you

would cry like I wasn't expecting this

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vow to turn out the way that it did.

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It almost also made me cry.

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Oh, I love it.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: I love it.

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I love what you said too about,

um, that the videos don't show the

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chaos that was behind the scenes.

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And you also said it was the happiest

day or most beautiful day of your life.

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And so just.

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Just being able to recognize that the

happiest and most beautiful moments

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don't have to be picture perfect and not

chaotic, like that can co exist, like

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the chaos can be the best thing ever.

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I, I, there's just something

resonated when you said that,

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like, ah, that's amazing.

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Like people think it has to be

calm and seamless and perfect

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and actually not necessarily.

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Irene Uy: And I think, you know, like it

would not have been that way without the

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chaos because I think why I'm saying it's

the best day of my life despite the chaos

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is because I think the people who showed

up for us, I felt the love and the care

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of everyone who showed up like, you know,

like, can you imagine the patience that

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everyone had to go through and like, just

the bridal party really like put things

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together and like, I'm so grateful that

to have, um, These people in our lives

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and to to be there for our wedding day.

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And that's what my husband said to

like, we are so lucky and grateful that.

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The, our bridal party are

who they are because Mm-Hmm.

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Um, they really pulled things together,

so, you know, and, and I don't think

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everyone has the same experience.

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Mm-Hmm.

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So it was, it truly was the best they ever

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.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Uh, it sounds like they, you were able to see

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their love in action for you.

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Like, you know, they came together.

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And, um, and all of them, like, what do

they say, like weddings and funerals,

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those are the times when, when people

are together, um, and how, what a gift

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to be able to see all those people that

you love in one place, uh, not just,

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you know, being there, but also kind

of acting in concert to help make this

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an amazing, uh, experience for you.

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Irene Uy: Yeah, and I mean, I mean,

so, so the wedding day itself, I

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started thinking like, oh, sometimes

I have a hard time receiving help and

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receiving love from people that it

was almost overwhelming to see how,

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how much love the bridal party gave.

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It's like, oh my God, like it, is it, is

it that I'm unwilling to recognize that

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these people love me and will be there

for me because then not, not to sound

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morbid, as you mentioned, like, Funerals.

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Also, I started thinking like, oh,

these are the people who I probably

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would, um, show up to their funerals.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: I don't know if

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Irene Uy: that grammar made

sense there, but we're beyond.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Wow.

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Uh, I, this is a side note.

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Um, In, in early April or, you know, uh,

but you may re I, I remember mentioning

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to you that, um, there were some deaths

in, in my family, like my uncle passed

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and, um, a close family friend, uh,

passed away and, but you're mentioning

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about funerals and the people you love.

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And, um, just reminded me of how,

uh, I, I am not someone, I feel

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almost still new to funerals.

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This sound, they sound weird

cause I'm almost, you know, I'm

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in my late forties, but my dad

never liked talking about death.

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And, um, when we were growing up, he

actually wouldn't take us to many funerals

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of like family members, et cetera.

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Um, I think partly out of

superstition, he's of Chinese descent.

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But um, and even now, we, as we plan

for the eventualities of death and you

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know him passing on, it's, it's, He, we

don't have conversations easily, uh, he's

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very reluctant, but, um, all this to say

that because of my lack of experience, I

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always thought until relatively recently

that funerals, you had to kind of earn

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the right to attend a funeral, that you

had to be close to the person who died.

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And so there were times when I

avoided funerals or just sent flowers

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or whatever, cause that was the.

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The refrain in my head was, I would

feel like a poser going to this

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funeral because I actually didn't

know the person who died that well.

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But in recent months, it's kind of shifted

to, um, funerals being for the living.

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Sorry, I'm getting all teared up.

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Um, but it's, you're there to support the

people you love that are still with us.

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And yes, it's like the reason that

you're coming together is because of the

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people who've passed and to honor them.

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But it's, it's, it's

It's not just about that.

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It's also about paying your respects

and showing your support and showing,

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like taking action to support that

person's loved ones who you love as well.

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And there

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Irene Uy: goes the

complexity of life, right?

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Because like, um, when we think

about that, it's obviously

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very, very, we're grieving.

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It's like a huge emotion to, um, unpack.

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But at the same time, we're also

celebrating someone's life and the

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good parts of it and the memories

that, you know, we shared together.

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And like, it's a lot to, um, it's a lot

of like intense emotions all at once.

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Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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A lot, a lot, a lot.

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Yeah.

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And I, you know, I can just imagine at

that when, at when you were walking down

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the aisle and seeing all those people

looking at you with such love in their

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faces and joy that, yeah, there, there can

be this crazy mashup of emotions thinking

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to yourself at the same time, like,

yeah, these are people that if I lose

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them, I will be absolutely heartbroken.

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Um, and there's, there's such beauty

in that, um, dynamic in the knowing

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of like, what, what preciousness that

you have in your hands and kind of the

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reminder to cherish it for what it is.

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Um, because you know, if you lose it,

how hard, how hurt you would be like

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there's, like you said, it's that

the layers and the intertwinedness

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of, of, of love and loss.

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Irene Uy: Yeah, and how lucky we

are to actually meet, um, these

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people because like, you know, um,

when it comes to friends, these

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are your chosen family, right?

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You can choose to not be part of this

relationship if you didn't want to, but

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something about this person and this

relationship draws you to them to, to make

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you want to show up despite the distance,

despite, you know, different life stages.

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Um, so it's a conscious choice to

want to be in this relationship

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and to nurture the relationship.

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And, and so like, you know, at this

age that we're in, it's like when

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we invest in relationships, it's

kind of already long term, right?

295

: 00:17:33

Because we know who we are

and we know what to do.

296

: 00:17:36

who we want to invest our time in.

297

: 00:17:39

Um, and so, and so that's why I

thought like, oh, these are the

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: 00:17:41

people that I would be lifelong, I

choose to be lifelong friends with.

299

: 00:17:45

Because I think one of the conversations,

um, that so, so we had, um, we spent

300

: 00:17:50

the night with the bridal party and,

um, we had really deep conversations

301

: 00:17:55

because, um, I think they were saying

like, oh, you know, when you, Get

302

: 00:17:58

married, like you never have to go

through life alone anymore, right?

303

: 00:18:02

To deal with life's adversities.

304

: 00:18:04

And I said, I'd like to think

that friends are part of that too.

305

: 00:18:09

That no one gets left behind, right?

306

: 00:18:11

Because that's the

community that you build.

307

: 00:18:13

And, um, what better way to live

life than to do it with, um, The

308

: 00:18:19

people that you love the most, right?

309

: 00:18:21

And so, you know, when I think about

funerals, um, it's very complex and

310

: 00:18:27

there's obviously the grief part of it,

but also like recognizing that how lucky

311

: 00:18:32

am I to have met these people and to have

shared and created memories with them.

312

: 00:18:38

Um, And so that's where my head's at.

313

: 00:18:40

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Oh, I can just see

the gratitude and the, yeah, like how

314

: 00:18:48

grateful you are for, um, for those people

and the moments you shared together.

315

: 00:18:55

Yeah.

316

: 00:18:55

Yeah.

317

: 00:18:56

For the listeners.

318

: 00:18:57

Irene is just beaming.

319

: 00:18:58

She's got this permagrid.

320

: 00:19:02

If we're ever on YouTube someday,

you'll be able to see, but for

321

: 00:19:06

now, just take my word for it.

322

: 00:19:07

Yeah.

323

: 00:19:07

Bye bye!

324

: 00:19:09

Oh, well, I'm so thrilled that you

have that memory in your archive now.

325

: 00:19:16

And, um, yeah, what a beautiful

launching pad into your marriage.

326

: 00:19:22

Gosh.

327

: 00:19:23

Yeah.

328

: 00:19:24

Irene Uy: So, so yesterday I was,

um, I was invited as a guest

329

: 00:19:27

speaker to my CrossFit bar talk.

330

: 00:19:30

And one of the things that we talked about

with self care and, um, I was asked like,

331

: 00:19:34

how exactly do you take care of yourself?

332

: 00:19:36

Right.

333

: 00:19:36

Cause they.

334

: 00:19:37

It comes down to your belief in

yourself first and whether you are

335

: 00:19:40

deserving because like, you know,

like, like you mentioned earlier, like

336

: 00:19:42

you can be drawn to different places.

337

: 00:19:44

Um, your identity as a mom, as a

partner, as a daughter, it could, um,

338

: 00:19:49

pull you in, in different directions.

339

: 00:19:51

And you sometimes, um, put yourself last.

340

: 00:19:54

How do you, um, prioritize

yourself and your self care?

341

: 00:19:58

And I think we, the

bottom line of that was.

342

: 00:20:02

Um, find a support system that will

keep reminding you, you are worthy and

343

: 00:20:06

you are worthy of prioritizing yourself

because it could be hard for us to

344

: 00:20:13

reframe that thought in our head alone.

345

: 00:20:15

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Mm.

346

: 00:20:16

Mm.

347

: 00:20:16

That's good.

348

: 00:20:17

That is very good.

349

: 00:20:18

I could not agree with that more.

350

: 00:20:20

And I think accountability or I don't

even know if every, if, if that, that

351

: 00:20:27

system support system always is labeled

accountability, but it's, there's.

352

: 00:20:32

There's an element of that, like

to remind you of who you are and

353

: 00:20:36

what you deserve and what you want

to prioritize and what you value.

354

: 00:20:41

Like that even, even, I think oftentimes

we think of accountability as like a

355

: 00:20:46

taskmaster or, you know, a drill sergeant.

356

: 00:20:50

But I think, um, those support systems

can offer you a sense of almost

357

: 00:20:55

gentle accountability in that just by

virtue of, yeah, reminding you that.

358

: 00:21:03

This is, this is who you are

and what you want to prioritize.

359

: 00:21:06

And we're going to help you get

there, whether it's slow, whether

360

: 00:21:09

it's fast, whether there's no action

for a while, or whether you want to

361

: 00:21:12

take intense action for a really,

you know, short period of time.

362

: 00:21:16

Like there's, there are people who

get you and support you through it.

363

: 00:21:19

Irene Uy: There's no right

or wrong answer to it, right?

364

: 00:21:21

Because I think as I'm not sure if this

is specific to millennials, but it seems

365

: 00:21:25

like every millennial I speak to seems

to have this drive of like, Oh, I'm

366

: 00:21:29

just going to be robotic and I will push

myself to the max without realizing that

367

: 00:21:34

you cannot sustain that way of living.

368

: 00:21:36

And I think now we're realizing that.

369

: 00:21:38

And it's so funny and ironic how, um,

self care and like, Doing nothing.

370

: 00:21:44

It's like we have to

carve time to do nothing.

371

: 00:21:48

. Right,

372

: 00:21:49

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: right.

373

: 00:21:50

Yeah.

374

: 00:21:50

And I wouldn't, I, I know

you speak for millennials.

375

: 00:21:54

I would not, I would say because

I'm technically Gen X and I,

376

: 00:21:58

I think we are saddled with

similar, um, thought patterns.

377

: 00:22:03

Like you work, you work, you work.

378

: 00:22:05

Uh, to get some sort of life

or, or, but it, yeah, it's all,

379

: 00:22:11

it's very, it's really complex.

380

: 00:22:13

And I, and I remember someone

advising me, which I thought

381

: 00:22:17

was good advice at the time.

382

: 00:22:18

And I, but I did not

consistently implement it.

383

: 00:22:22

And maybe there's a reason why that

I should unpack for a future podcast

384

: 00:22:26

episode, but, um, but they were saying,

you know, schedule 15 minutes of Like

385

: 00:22:32

do nothing time because it doesn't

come naturally to you that you need

386

: 00:22:38

to actually, like if you are someone

that's hardwired to do do and adhere

387

: 00:22:43

to a schedule, like you should block

in time to, for nothingness for, for

388

: 00:22:50

whatever ness and put down the phone and

get away from the screen and don't feel

389

: 00:22:55

necessarily obliged to walk, but just

let yourself kind of be like, whatever.

390

: 00:23:00

Whatever, um, stillness you can obtain

to schedule it, um, which, uh, yeah,

391

: 00:23:07

there's a lot of wisdom to that, but

just underscoring your point that self

392

: 00:23:11

care is hard for people to prioritize.

393

: 00:23:14

I think in our culture generally, like I

think, um, self care and stillness just

394

: 00:23:19

isn't something we do well as Westerners.

395

: 00:23:22

Yeah,

396

: 00:23:23

Irene Uy: which I think it's this this

line of thought brings me back to what

397

: 00:23:26

my therapist shared with me between

the difference of the difference

398

: 00:23:30

between goal based living and value

based living because I mean, this

399

: 00:23:35

might be a new way of thinking that

that our parents never taught us.

400

: 00:23:39

And like, we're just now being

introduced to where in goal based

401

: 00:23:43

living is like, oh, you know, we're just

working towards one goal after another.

402

: 00:23:47

You're another because I remember I

remember that I was this way like,

403

: 00:23:50

um, when I was in the Philippines, I

got accepted into schools, and I told

404

: 00:23:55

my mentors about it, and the next

thing that I was talking about is.

405

: 00:23:59

What's next?

406

: 00:23:59

What's next?

407

: 00:24:00

And my mentor said, um, don't

forget to celebrate the milestone

408

: 00:24:04

that, or the achievement that

you, you, you just received.

409

: 00:24:07

Like you got into an Ivy league school.

410

: 00:24:09

Um, and I didn't think much of it,

but now it's like, yeah, when does,

411

: 00:24:14

when, when do the goals ever end?

412

: 00:24:16

Cause otherwise I'll just be living my

life, um, pursuing one goal after another.

413

: 00:24:20

Whereas the value based living,

um, you're not so much focused on

414

: 00:24:24

what the goal is, but you're just

living out your values kind of like.

415

: 00:24:28

Developing habits and, and seeing

where that takes you, right?

416

: 00:24:31

Um, and I think what I, what I want to

point out here is that, living in the way

417

: 00:24:37

that you're just chasing chasing goals.

418

: 00:24:40

Are you actually happy right there

because there's an undercurrent state

419

: 00:24:44

of being sometimes we push ourselves

too much to the point where, oh,

420

: 00:24:49

we don't realize we're unhappy and

We don't really want this anymore.

421

: 00:24:54

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah, that's

such an important distinction,

422

: 00:24:58

the goals versus values.

423

: 00:25:01

Um, it reminds me of a phrase

that, like the six words that,

424

: 00:25:07

uh, can change your life, but,

uh, you have to love the process.

425

: 00:25:11

You have to love the journey.

426

: 00:25:13

If you don't, then, As you were

saying, you get caught up, you can

427

: 00:25:17

get caught up in aiming so hard for

a destination and not really thinking

428

: 00:25:21

about, is this what I really want?

429

: 00:25:23

Or once you get there, realizing

that if you're loving the

430

: 00:25:27

journey, then it's all about.

431

: 00:25:29

Like that is the, that is the value in it.

432

: 00:25:33

That's the goal.

433

: 00:25:34

That's like, it, it becomes less

about the destination and more about

434

: 00:25:38

the process of living and, and living

in a way that makes sense to you.

435

: 00:25:44

Um,

436

: 00:25:46

Irene Uy: yeah, because life is meant

to be experienced and, and not to be

437

: 00:25:49

woo woo about this or not, this is

also not to say that just because.

438

: 00:25:52

You are living happy and, um, and

accepting yourself for who you are.

439

: 00:25:58

That doesn't mean you're not

actually go, uh, growing and

440

: 00:26:02

pursuing your goals either, right?

441

: 00:26:04

There's a difference between just focusing

on like the goals without, um, regard

442

: 00:26:09

for your well being and there's your

sense of self worth and self acceptance.

443

: 00:26:12

Um, I think, uh, I, and I think this is

what, um, The different, uh, what has

444

: 00:26:17

become different for me since becoming a

life coach in that like I worked on self

445

: 00:26:22

acceptance and being happy because then

I could propel myself into working on

446

: 00:26:26

my goals and achieving them from a place

of worthiness and acceptance, right?

447

: 00:26:31

As opposed to like, I don't feel good

enough so I'm just gonna keep on chasing

448

: 00:26:35

after that goal until I feel good enough.

449

: 00:26:37

That's a lie because I never will.

450

: 00:26:39

There will always be another goal

that I will work towards, right?

451

: 00:26:42

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah.

452

: 00:26:43

Yes.

453

: 00:26:44

So true.

454

: 00:26:44

There's always something next, like

something, something else that,

455

: 00:26:48

uh, that comes after the goal you

accomplish that, you know, once

456

: 00:26:52

you get that to once you accomplish

one, suddenly there's another one.

457

: 00:26:56

So you're always feeling less than

you're always feeling incomplete.

458

: 00:27:02

Um, and I, I love the, when you

live by your values, I love that it

459

: 00:27:07

really, you can have this sense of.

460

: 00:27:10

Accomplishment no matter and fullness

and enoughness, regardless of,

461

: 00:27:16

you know, can you check this box?

462

: 00:27:18

Do you have this degree?

463

: 00:27:20

Is there this number on your scale?

464

: 00:27:22

Or is there this number

on in your bank account?

465

: 00:27:25

It's instead about the Kind of

that's those states of being and

466

: 00:27:29

do those align with who you what

you value and what you love.

467

: 00:27:33

Yeah.

468

: 00:27:33

I love that I think that's what got me

to a peaceful place with parenting too is

469

: 00:27:42

You know recognizing that Of course, it's

not, it's not all unicorns and rainbows.

470

: 00:27:47

Like, there's definitely

arguments and annoyances and sucky

471

: 00:27:51

moments and, um, backsliding.

472

: 00:27:54

Like, I thought I had taught

you already that you, you know,

473

: 00:27:57

you're not supposed to do X.

474

: 00:27:59

Um, But, you know, it's all part of this

journey, and instead of being focused

475

: 00:28:06

on, like, I have a kid that is this,

it's like, I have a kid, you know, that

476

: 00:28:13

values this, that learns from mistakes,

that is constantly growing, um, and

477

: 00:28:20

that feels good, like it feels good

to know that within the process, It's

478

: 00:28:25

there are ups and downs and there's,

because it's, because the process

479

: 00:28:29

is what you enjoy and what you love.

480

: 00:28:31

And then that's, what's

aligned with your values.

481

: 00:28:32

The journey is the point of it all.

482

: 00:28:35

Um, if it makes it a lot easier to,

to reach that place of acceptance,

483

: 00:28:40

like this is all part of it.

484

: 00:28:42

Like it doesn't matter if, uh, my kid

didn't do their laundry when they said

485

: 00:28:46

they were supposed to, or didn't fold

it and put it away, like I told them to,

486

: 00:28:50

or, you know, didn't get the A's that.

487

: 00:28:53

I know she wanted, like,

whatever it might be.

488

: 00:28:56

Um, it's about, it's like, did you learn?

489

: 00:29:00

Are you enjoying, um, kind of

discovering new information?

490

: 00:29:05

Are you growing, like, big picture view?

491

: 00:29:09

You know, are you more consistently

able to, like, do the things

492

: 00:29:14

that you say you want to do?

493

: 00:29:15

Like, it's, it's, um, It's a, it's a

perspective shift for sure, but totally

494

: 00:29:22

liberating when you tack it not to

the goal, but to the, the values and

495

: 00:29:27

kind of the, the journey of getting

that to be the person you want to be.

496

: 00:29:32

Irene Uy: I love that.

497

: 00:29:33

It's very interesting again, right?

498

: 00:29:34

Our different life stages and our

perspectives because you are talking

499

: 00:29:38

about it from the perspective of the

parent and I'm talking about this

500

: 00:29:41

from the perspective of the daughter.

501

: 00:29:44

What I wanted to add to that

was that I wish my parents.

502

: 00:29:48

Um, work less as parents and trust that

the values that they wanted to impart

503

: 00:29:54

in me are values that I have received

just by, um, watching them live, right?

504

: 00:30:00

Because they, because they model it.

505

: 00:30:01

You don't have to , say it over and

over again because I, I will naturally

506

: 00:30:06

learn the values that matter to you

the most just by living with you.

507

: 00:30:10

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah, for sure.

508

: 00:30:13

I, I feel like this could be a totally,

we should pick this up in our next

509

: 00:30:19

discussion, but like the, the, the

idea of communication and modeling

510

: 00:30:25

and, and how both of them coexist.

511

: 00:30:28

And how we picked up different things

growing up and how we are choosing

512

: 00:30:35

to maybe operate differently, or

maybe in some cases, the same as what

513

: 00:30:39

we witnessed, um, as when we were

kids, there's, there's a lot there

514

: 00:30:43

certain I'm, I'm sure every immigrant.

515

: 00:30:46

Child or a child of immigrants can relate.

516

: 00:30:50

Irene Uy: Absolutely.

517

: 00:30:51

And I think we've covered

a lot of ground today.

518

: 00:30:53

Um, so I'm curious now from the audience,

let us know what kind of topics you're

519

: 00:30:57

interested in, because there's a lot that

Cat and I can unpack and, you know, talk

520

: 00:31:01

about, we'd be interested in your inputs.

521

: 00:31:03

So leave us comments in

the comment section below.

522

: 00:31:07

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Sounds good.

523

: 00:31:08

Yes.

524

: 00:31:08

And Irene, I think you should

also paste a link in the show

525

: 00:31:12

notes to your wedding video.

526

: 00:31:15

Selfishly.

527

: 00:31:16

I'm like, I

528

: 00:31:17

Irene Uy: will do that.

529

: 00:31:19

I will certainly do that after the call.

530

: 00:31:23

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Thanks

everyone and we will be back soon.

531

: 00:31:27

As you wrap up today's session,

we invite you to reflect on what

532

: 00:31:30

resonated with you in today's episode.

533

: 00:31:33

If you're interested in exploring

the topic as it relates to your

534

: 00:31:36

own personal experience, head

to the show notes and visit

535

: 00:31:39

www.thecoachisinpodcast.com

536

: 00:31:44

Irene Uy: that's

537

: 00:31:44

www.thecoachisinpodcast.com.

538

: 00:31:50

Irene Uy: Get ready to break personal,

cultural, or generational barriers.

539

: 00:31:55

That gets in the way of being the

best version of yourself and living

540

: 00:31:58

the best version of your life.