Coaching and the Immigrant Experience
In this episode, Irene and Cat shed light on:
- what motivated them to start a podcast
- what coaching is
- what coaching isn't
- what you can expect from here on out!
About the show:
Join us, Irene Uy and Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, both certified life coaches, as we share our stories and hear from business leaders, generational pioneers and experts as we discuss the personal, relational and professional challenges we, immigrants and children of immigrants face.
Get ready to break personal, cultural or generational barriers that get in the way of being the best version of yourself and living the best version of life!
Follow the podcast and feel free to connect with us at:
Email: thecoachisinpodcast@gmail.com
IG: @thecoachisinpodcast
Transcript
Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: All right.
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:The coach is in.
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:We are your hosts, Cat and Irene.
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:Irene Uy: I'm Irene.
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:I moved to the U.
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:S.
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:on my own 10 years ago.
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:I have a background in management
engineering, earned my master's
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:degree from Columbia, and secured
my permanent residence through work.
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:I spent my career in real estate,
And I'm now a certified coach and
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: accredited with ICF
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:and I'm Cat.
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:My parents came to the States from
the Philippines in the:
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:landed in Milwaukee, where I was born.
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:I now live in Chicago with
my two daughters and husband.
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:I've always been multi passionate
and multi hyphenate and presently
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:I serve others as an attorney,
podcaster, and in the personal
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:development space as a retreat host
and as a certified coach as well.
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:Irene Uy: Join us as we share our
stories and hear from business leaders,
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:generational pioneers, and experts as
we discuss the personal, relational, and
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:professional challenges we immigrants
and children of immigrants, face.
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: I think that's the
perfect lead in Irene to essentially this
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:intro episode where we're just introducing
you, the listeners, to a little bit about
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:us and the podcast concept in itself.
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:Um, let's start by talking
about why we're doing this.
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:Irene, you and I bonded over the fact
that we shared experiences that I
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:think both of us felt like we're unique.
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:And so it certainly lit me up
when I found out that you and I
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:had commonalities, even though
I was born in Milwaukee and you
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:were born in the Philippines.
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:Irene Uy: Right.
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:I didn't even, think about it too much
until I realized that we have so many
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:experiences drawing from our experience
as immigrants and children of immigrants.
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Yeah.
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:And it's funny how Oh, for, for
those listening, Irene and I met in
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:our coaching certification program.
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:So right away, both of us knew that
Each other was invested in personal
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:growth and awareness and figuring
out how to navigate all those
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:things in life that kind of crop up.
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:And in doing so you really do learn
a lot about yourself and the reasons
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:why you do things and confront those.
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:I love that you and I happened
to meet in that space.
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:Irene Uy: It reminds me of there
were a lot of those moments where
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:I felt stuck and where I felt I
was struggling, especially as an
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:immigrant coming here on my own.
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:Um, so, you know, I do know how
I found my path in coaching.
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:I was hesitant to take it.
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:But I'm really glad that I did because it
helped me unhinge myself from being stuck.
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:And so I'm really thankful that we both
took this route into personal development.
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:'cause now I'm so much more, um, accepting
of myself and so much more sure of
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:the decisions that I, take in life.
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: And it's
such a good feeling, isn't it?
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:To have that sense of conviction
in a way and, and, being able to
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:identify what it is that might be
holding you back, maybe the limiting
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:beliefs or negative thought patterns.
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:And once you notice it, and you start
using tools to address it, you can become
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:your own kind of cheerleader and you
can talk yourself out of situations.
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:It's not that they never come
up again, but you're able to
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:recognize them and get unstuck.
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:Like you said.
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:Absolutely.
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:Irene Uy: And I think, you know, going
back to your question of why we're doing
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:this, I think we want to share coaching,
um, in our experience, to our audience,
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:who might be experiencing the same things
we have experienced or are experiencing.
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Definitely.
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:And with, with that kind of layer and
lens too, of both of us being women of
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:color, um, having a sense for the nuances
of being an immigrant or being children
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:of immigrants and how that impacts your
perspective on things and your challenges.
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:And yeah, it just, it just has a
way of informing your decisions
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:that we thought deserved a voice.
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:I think something we touched on, Irene,
was this idea of what an immigrant is,
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:uh, and so before we dive into anything
further, I think that might be helpful
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:for people to hear our perspectives on.
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:Irene Uy: Right.
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:So, you know, when we say immigrants,
we want to be inclusive of, immigrants
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:and their families, because, um,
we all know that the immigrant
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:experience is, generational, right?
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:Like, the next generation, uh,
children of immigrants, we have nuanced
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:experiences that people who are looking at
it from an outside perspective might not
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: understand.
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:Yeah.
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:I think, um, just the structure
of, or or like the identity of an
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:immigrant by its very nature carries
with it this idea of displacement.
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:And a potential feeling of otherness
and, new beginnings and reinvention
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:while also carrying the expectations
or a cultural weight that just comes
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:from the knowledge of how different
where you come from or where your
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:culture is rooted in versus maybe the
the environment and the values that
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:you're experiencing in your new locale.
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:Yes.
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:I was about
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:Irene Uy: to say, um, we're not just,
navigating the unknowns of a new
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:environment, of a new life altogether.
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:We're also dealing with Shedding
our old identities because those no
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:longer serve us because those work
in our old environments but wouldn't
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:necessarily work in our new environment.
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:But you know, the immigrant experience is
so intertwined because even though you're
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:in a new country, it doesn't mean that
the mindset, um, is there because you
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:have ties to your, to your home country,
like even in generations after, right?
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: I totally identify
with that even not having immigrated
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:myself but being raised by immigrants.
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:There's, I was always informed and taught
by my parents to recognize what they
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:lived through it what they value what
they cherish and was kind of expected
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:to understand that and proceed with
that information as an input as well.
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:So I just as an example, like,
Something as basic as, and I think
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:most, Filipino American families might
identify with this, but, um, we would
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:always send back lots of big boxes of
things or bring lots of big boxes of
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:things whenever we visited our family.
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:And there's a term balikbayan
that, you know, balikbayan box.
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:Yeah.
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:Irene Uy: Mm hmm.
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:Mm hmm.
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: And so
like from a very young age,
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:we never threw anything out.
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:I mean, clothing wise, we
never threw anything out.
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:It was always something that went
into the balikbayan boxes because
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:my mom was the oldest of six.
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:And we knew that someone, you know, that
came after her had kids that were younger
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:than us that could probably use it.
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:There was just this built in framework
of caring for others or having an
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:awareness of the needs of others outside
of your immediate household, um, and
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:I think that, you know, hopefully most
of us grew up with an understanding of
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:wanting to be caring of your community
and your neighborhood, et cetera, but
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:on top of that, immigrants also are
thinking about a whole nother neighborhood
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:and a whole nother set of families
from where you came from, or, um, You
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:know, in my case, where my parents
came from and all my extended family.
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:So it's, it's an interesting nuance.
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:I think that immigrants and
children of immigrants chair.
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:Right.
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:I mean,
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:Irene Uy: now that you've brought
that up, I also want to bring up
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:the, double edged sword, right?
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:Cause on the flip side of that, having
a lot of other people to think about and
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:care for, um, for some, Filipinos like
ourselves, we might feel the weight of
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:the responsibility, like the expectation
that, as you mentioned earlier.
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:So definitely a lot of Nuance topics
that we can cover that, you know,
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:it's, it's very exciting because
we can process them together.
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: I love that.
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:And I, I think both of us have the
hope that those who listen to our,
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:short and powerful episodes will be
able to take away from our experiences
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:and how we navigate them and our
learnings and perhaps apply them to
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:their own lives and learn in that way.
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:I think the goal is really.
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:To, encourage folks to understand
what coaching is and see how it
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:might be impactful for them as well.
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:Irene Uy: So we see a lot of
definitions of what coaching is and
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:I think, I would like to put forward
like a definition that I really like
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:in contrast to, what therapy is.
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:'cause I think a lot of people are
more familiar with what therapy is.
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:So, coaching is a partnership
between you and the coach to
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:support you in every level in
becoming who you want to be, right?
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:Like, you partner with your coach
to address your skills, mindsets,
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:and behaviors towards maximizing your
personal and professional potential.
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:As a coach, we help you tap into your
strengths, identify your development
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:areas, and and set goals for where you
want to go and hold you accountable to
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:grow in the areas that are most important.
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:On the other hand, therapy is to improve
mental health, to return to a healthy
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:level of functioning, or in other
words, to get back into a baseline
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:.
Coaching is focused on helping an individual through goal achievement and
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:clarity in order to go above baseline.
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:So this is what I want
to point out, right?
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:Because like a lot of people think that
when they want to achieve their goals
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:they still hold on to this mindset
of like, no pain, no gain, sleep is
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:for the weak, almost like in order to
achieve your goals, you have to suffer.
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:And what I want to point out here from
these definitions is that therapy helps
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:you get into baseline and coaching
helps you thrive from your baseline.
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:Nothing was ever said about you
have to go back to suffering, which
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:is going away from your baseline
in order to achieve your goals.
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:I hope that, um, in coaching, we're
able to find sustainable ways for
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:you to achieve your goals without
necessarily having to, um, do it in
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:the way that, um, you're used to, which
is probably like, Not sustainable and
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: not.
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:Yeah.
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:And I love that you pointed out, um,
how therapy and coaching are essentially
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:different, you know, that one is
really to get someone to that baseline
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:place of health and functionality.
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:And then, um, coaching can take you from.
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:Uh, an already healthy
place, but to like your 2.
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:0 next level, bigger,
better version of you.
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:So, you know, a coach may not be the right
fit if you are someone that is, is truly
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:struggling with mental health issues.
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:In fact, coach training really
does, uh, inform folks as to the
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:bounds of coaching, right?
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:Like a lot of people out there
may not realize, but the coaching
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:industry isn't heavily regulated.
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:But part of the reason that folks
like Irene and I do seek certification
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:and accreditation is we're trying
to establish a higher threshold of
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:expectation and standard of service
for people who want to work with
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:us and similarly situated coaches.
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:We also think it's important to
adhere to codes of ethics that anyone
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:who approaches someone with an ICF
accreditation, um, a certification
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:through an ICF accredited program.
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:They can kind of expect that we'll
have a working knowledge of that.
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:For instance, there are things therapy
takes care of and coaches shouldn't.
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:I think that's something I've heard folks
have trouble with in the past is a kind
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:of a misunderstanding or maybe having
dealt with people that were probably
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:trying to treat issues that were better
left to mental health professionals.
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:And instead of doing good,
maybe not helping at all.
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:Irene Uy: I can kind of speak
to what you're talking about.
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:In therapy as well as in coaching, there
are topics that we might encounter.
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:We don't veer away from difficult
conversations, but as coaches, we're
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:very careful not to open your Pandora's
box of trauma, because that is for
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:a therapist to work with you on.
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:As coaches, we, we don't shy away
from the difficult conversations,
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:but we're able to recognize when you
need a mental health professional.
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Exactly.
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:And I think, you know, the exciting thing
about coaching versus therapy, which you
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:kind of touched on as well is because
it's coming from a place of wanting to
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:become a better version of yourself and
already starting at a relative baseline
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:of health, you're able to really lean
into possibility and explore different
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:tools and modalities and, you know,
perspective framing approaches that
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:might help you get to that next level
of, of existence that you're hoping for.
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:It's not to sound so woo woo, but,
you know, really thinking about.
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:What, what do I want from life?
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:Like, I know that I was in a place where
I felt like I am hitting all my marks.
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:You know, I went to therapy,
I resolved a bunch of issues.
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:I have a great job, I have
wonderful kids and I have a husband
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:that adores me and vice versa.
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:And yet I still struggle with X,
Y, and Z, or I have this goal and
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:for some reason I'm not making
headway towards accomplishing it.
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:So where's the disconnect?
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:Like I don't have anything I
can really bring to a therapist
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:and yet I'm also not thriving.
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:And at least that's where I was before
I discovered coaching and really
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:leaned into personal development.
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:Irene Uy: Yeah, I think one way of
describing it would be, you're able to
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:set a goal you know what to do, but a
lot of people despite knowing what to
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:do still have a hard time doing it, or
like motivating themselves to do it.
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:Yeah.
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:And I find that coaching helps make the
doing it easier because you understand
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:yourself, you know, your values and
what motivates you intrinsically.
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:Another way I think I, what I wanted
to touch on was, how different
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:is coaching from just having a
conversation with your friends?
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:Because a lot of people seek
family and friends to help them
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:keep themselves accountable.
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:How different?
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: I think the biggest,
the biggest change or the biggest
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:difference is in a coaching space, the,
the coach is really there to listen
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:and, and center the client's story.
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:So often in friend relationships.
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:There's a background of history that might
inform the advice that's being given.
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:And what a lot of people don't realize
is coaching is not advice giving, if
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:anything, it's the opposite of that, where
coaches will ask really good questions,
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:reflect back really good observations, but
ultimately drawing the client to their own
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:conclusions about what's best for them.
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:As opposed to, I think most friends have
an opinion on like, Oh, he's no good for
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:you, or it's time for you to leave that
job when, you know, that's just not how
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:the coaching relationship is structured.
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:Irene Uy: Right.
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:And adding onto that, I think it has
to do with how deeply we listen as
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:coaches, because we're not just listening
to the words that are being said.
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:We are trained to listen
to what's not being said.
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Good point.
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:And having the objectivity, I
think of a, a third party who you
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:may not have a close relationship
outside of the coaching space.
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:And so they're able to listen with
a, with more clarity and objectivity.
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:Irene Uy: Absolutely.
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:So Cat, you touched on a lot of examples
of what coaching can be helpful with.
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:Can you help our audience understand,
like, what specific topics they
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:could bring into the coaching
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:space?
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: Sure.
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:If anyone Google's life coach, for
instance, you'll be able to find a
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:whole gamut of issues that folks can
talk about, whether it's relationships,
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:whether it's, moving through transitions,
life stages, grief, working on,
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:career changes, things like that.
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:You can also find specific coaches for
like executive leadership, managing folks,
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:learning how to set boundaries within the
workplace, communicating with individuals
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:who might be difficult to get through to.
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:So coaching appears in
so many different spaces.
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:I think specific to myself I am most
interested in personal development and its
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:relationship to professional development
as well with high achieving moms.
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:That tends to be the brunt of the
women that I work with right now.
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:I have a podcast that deals with moms
of girls that kind of touches on a
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:lot of this, where, you know, there's
a lot of ways that we as individuals,
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:as moms, can show up that impacts
our relationships with our daughters.
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:So it's really important for us
to know ourselves and dig through
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:and figure out who we want to be
so we can model that for our kids.
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:Yeah, I'm just sort of speaking
to kind of my wheelhouse.
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:Irene, how about you?
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:Irene Uy: For me, I am more interested in
experiences of immigrants such as myself.
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:I center on self development as well,
because I believe that everything goes
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:back into the self, whether that's
your issues with your workplace or
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:with your relationships or with your
parents or anything under the table,
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:really, it goes back to how you view
yourself and how you relate to yourself.
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:Carmelita (Cat) Tiu: And I think
that we'll both be going into each
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:of our, you know, coaching areas and
who you tend to work with and how
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:that may evolve in future episodes.
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:So you all can look forward to that.
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:And we definitely invite you to reach
out, you know, this is our kind of
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:intro episode to let you all know
what it is that we're talking about.
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:But if you're someone that thinks that
you might be interested in being a
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:guest as a guest client, and you're
willing to share your experiences
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:and your questions with Irene and I.
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:Do feel free to reach out, DM us, shoot
us an email, um, go into the show notes
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:and you can find our website there and
different ways to connect with us because
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:we absolutely would love to connect with
you and see if, if we can work together.
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:As you wrap up today's session,
we invite you to reflect on what
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:resonated with you in today's episode.
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:If you're interested in exploring
the topic as it relates to your
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:own personal experience, head
to the show notes and visit
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:www.thecoachisinpodcast.com
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:Irene Uy: that's
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:www.thecoachisinpodcast.com.
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:Irene Uy: Get ready to break personal,
cultural, or generational barriers.
305
:That gets in the way of being the
best version of yourself and living
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:the best version of your life.
