Episode 5

full
Published on:

17th Apr 2025

Authenticity: Practicing the Person You Want to Become

In this episode, Cat and Irene dive deep into the messy, meaningful topic of authenticity—especially when it comes to how we show up in our careers, relationships, and everyday lives. They explore how our identities evolve over time, how imposter syndrome can creep in during transitions, and what it really means to "practice" becoming who you are.

[00:01:00] Authenticity in Focus

The hosts reflect on showing up in multiple roles—lawyer, coach, mom—and how balance isn’t about doing it all, but knowing what matters right now.

[00:03:00] The Privilege to Explore

Irene talks about the luxury of choice in today’s generation, unlike the single-track goals of past generations.


[00:05:00] Surviving vs. Thriving

Discussion on the difference between earning for survival and building a career that’s an expression of identity.


[00:07:00] Aligning Actions with Values

Cat reframes how going to work or the gym can still align with values like supporting your family, even if it doesn't look traditional.


[00:10:00] Undoing Generational Scripts

Irene shares how many of us are unlearning beliefs about stability, creativity, and value from older generations.


[00:12:00] Taking it One Value at a Time

Real talk on the pressure to find a perfect career that hits all your values—spoiler: it’s okay to take your time.


[00:14:00] Faking It vs. Practicing It

Irene and Cat discuss the discomfort of growth and how “faking it” can actually be part of the process of becoming.


[00:18:00] The Power of Presence

The importance of just being there and showing up authentically—even in imperfection—is often more powerful than polished performance.


[00:20:00] Discerning Growth from Discomfort

A thoughtful reflection on knowing when you're on the verge of transformation versus just feeling off-track.


[00:23:00] Doing it Your Way

Irene shares her evolving identity and how she’s learning to lead and negotiate in a way that honors her femininity and authenticity.


[00:26:00] Visual Takeaway

Identity is like trying on new clothes—you get to keep what fits and change when it doesn’t. It’s all part of the journey.


Follow The Coach Is In wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode. Reflect on your own hierarchy of values: What matters most to you right now? Give yourself grace as you evolve—authenticity is a practice, not a fixed trait.


Share this episode with a friend who’s navigating identity or imposter syndrome.

Transcript
Irene Uy:

Welcome to the Coach is in the podcast for parent leaders who are

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juggling work, family, and life, and

wondering if there's actually a way

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to do it all without falling apart.

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I'm Irene, a leadership coach on a

mission to bridge generational gaps

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and bring fresh perspectives to

the challenges parent leaders face.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: And I am Cat,

a coach, lawyer, and mom who's been

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there navigating the tightrope of

leadership at home and work and figuring

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out what's actually worth the energy.

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If you are skeptical that balance, calm or

boundaries are even possible, we get it.

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We're not here for quick

fixes or empty advice.

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We are here to have honest conversations,

share practical tools, and maybe even

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help you see things a little differently.

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Because the coach is in

and this space is for you.

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Welcome back.

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Welcome.

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Thank you.

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And well, it's great to see you

after a little bit of a break.

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Irene Uy: I know we're all warmed up.

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And just to loop the audience, and Cat

and I were talking behind the scenes and

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what's coming up for us is a discussion

around authenticity and identity.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: Yeah.

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Yeah, I, I was telling Irene

that, as some of you may know from

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my intro or just various online

presences, I am an attorney and that

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takes up a good amount of my time.

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But I am also mom, partner,

life coach, podcaster, et

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cetera, and how do we show up?

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In all of these different ways

and ensure that it's, it feels

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integrated and authentic.

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'cause I, I know I struggle with feeling

like if I'm spending all of my time doing

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one thing, does that somehow invalidate

my claiming another, you know, and I,

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there, there was a one of those home

decor signs I saw recently, and it said

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the grass is greener where you water it.

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And I kind of love that because it

shows the importance of your focus.

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If you're focusing on a particular

thing, of course that thing is going

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to thrive and grow, but it also

reminded me like, oh, I am spending

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a lot of time doing one thing, and

how do I water the other things?

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Or do they need water or does that mean.

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Somehow that grass won't be as green.

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I don't know.

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It's a lot of thinking going on in

this head and I appreciate Irene,

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that you're willing to listen to it.

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And the listeners,

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Irene Uy: of course.

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I thank you for sharing.

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So when you were talking about that, I

was just thinking about how, oh, what

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a time to be alive, because I don't

think the previous generation had this

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privilege because they were very singular

in their goal, which is like, I need to.

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Take on a job that could sustain

me and my family financially

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and economically, right?

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Like that was the goal.

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But these days we have the privilege

to meet our needs and explore

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as an expression of who we are.

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And I.

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With that privilege comes an

unexpected problem of like,

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where do you invest yourself in?

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'cause there's so many ways you can get

pulled into, there's so many interesting

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things that's happening around the

world right now and how we could

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leverage the, the current opportunities

of the times to express ourselves.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu:

That's a really good point.

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I think that sometimes it's

easy to forget that the problems

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we contend with, of course.

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I, you know, living in the

States, it's a totally different

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environment than some other places.

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But speaking for myself and you

know, folks that have gainful

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employment, living in the states,

there's so many things that we don't.

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Have to contend with that are much more

need-based, like, you know, finding your

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next meal or to your point, just that if

we were in a time of war or if we lived in

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a place that was less politically stable,

although who knows what's coming next.

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With this administration, but it

feels it is a, a kind of luxury

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to have the problems that we have.

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Irene Uy: It is a luxury, but I also, I

mean, I can't imagine not being able to

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express myself through my work and so.

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This is a, this conversation

is taking an interesting turn.

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'cause I was just reading this book

by Barbara Stan or Barbara Hudson.

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I'm not sure what her maiden name

or married name is, but the book is

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called Secrets of Six Figure Women,

and she differentiates between two

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different kinds of high earners, which

is one, people who love their job and

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express themselves through their jobs.

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Whereas the other ones, the

hard earners are the ones who.

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Whose goal is to make more money,

but they might not necessarily

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be happy with their job.

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And in fact they might be just trading

off their time and energy for a different

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resource, which is money, you know?

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So that's, it describes to me the

difference between someone who is in

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survival mode and someone who is actually

thriving because you can achieve financial

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independence and success and also.

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Be able to express yourself and, and

do good for, shape the world, the way

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that you imagine it shaped the world

according to what you want it to be.

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Right?

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You, you have that impact.

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Yeah.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: This is making me

think of that quote, you know, be the

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change you want to see in the world.

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Taking, advocating for what you

believe in and taking action to

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support those causes and beliefs

that you support and, and hold.

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Dear and I, something that's so

important that was coming up as you

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were talking is sort of understanding

like the various ways that one can

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show up in support of your values.

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So.

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Like supporting your family doesn't just

look like six hours a night with your kid

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in person, you know, sitting alongside

them and catering to all their needs.

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That is one way it could show up.

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But it could also mean that you find an

activity that you love that allows you

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to take a break from the stresses of day

to day in your work, and then you show

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up as a better parent when you are with

your kid for a shorter amount of time.

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Or, you know, seeing, seeing, going to

work or seeing, going to the gym as almost

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indirectly supporting those end goals of.

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Family because you're, you,

you're maintaining your health.

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You are providing an income that's

gives your kids and your partner

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what it is that they to support

their lifestyle and, and their needs.

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So I, I kind of love this idea of, and

I don't know if this is what you were

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getting at, but what it's bringing

up is like shifting our mindset to

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allow for different things to, to

support the values that we have.

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Like, because high earners.

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And hard earners.

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Is that what you were saying?

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Mm.

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Like they, it's, it's an interesting

idea that a lot of us feel like maybe

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you have to work hard or you have to do

something that maybe you don't love to.

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Or if you do what you love, it's

not gonna make you as much money.

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Like there, there might be this, I know I

certainly feel like there's a, probably,

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'cause I grew up as a creative or like

had a lot of creative pursuits, but.

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Like there was this either or

mentality of I, if I am creative or

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if I wanna do something creative, I

have to endure financial instability.

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But if I want financial stability, I

can't do something that's highly creative.

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And you know, ultimately figuring out a

way where those two can, can live a little

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closer and they, there isn't this false

dichotomy and that, you know, exists and

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figuring out like, what are those values?

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And what are the ways

that you can show up?

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There's so many different ways that

you might be able to show up in

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support of yourself and in support of

others and, and hold those values up.

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So I guess exploring all the different

ways that, you know, once you've

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identified something that you love,

finding out all those different ways that.

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You can embrace that.

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Like, it doesn't always just mean like

I feel like I'm in a pretty creative

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place because I am, I work with a lot

of creatives and I work in an adver, I

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support advertising agencies, so that

allows me to kind of think creatively

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and be touching creative things and

working with folks that are, you know,

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constantly in design thinking mode.

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So that scratches the itch.

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But had I only assumed that.

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Like creativity meant putting a

paintbrush to a canvas and you know,

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renting a studio space, that would've

been really, I think, limiting for me.

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So the importance of exploring all the

ways that the things you value can show up

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in your life, I guess is my big takeaway.

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Irene Uy: I.

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You touched on so many good points there.

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Me, let me start with what I picked

up on, which is that I think there's

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a certain undoing that we need to do

from the messages that we have received

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from the older generation being that

they, Hey, you should only take on jobs

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that are stable, that are high paying,

and we're not discounting that advice.

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It's great advice, right?

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Like it's gonna give you.

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Stable ground to stand on, but if you

were to push that further, 'cause I've

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spoken with a lot of immigrants who,

at this point in their lives, they're

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no longer doing things for the money.

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So that's kind of like, gives me a

peek into their experience where like,

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figuring out what you want to do when

exploring your creativity and, and

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how you wanna earn your money that.

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In a way that feels authentic to

you and in a way that allows you to

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express your identity, it takes time.

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So, you know, like I'm pretty sure

they started their careers doing jobs

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that they just like had to put their

head down and, and really do the work

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so that they can get to a place where,

hey, I'm not struggling anymore.

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And like I have enough of a

cushion to start exploring.

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So that's the first touch point that

I was like, oh yeah, I did mention

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this a while back about, you know,

like how you choose your profession.

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But that pivot is where a lot of people

differ in whether they're gonna take

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this next step or are they're gonna

stay where they're at, doing what

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they know and what they're comfortable

with, or that's a personal decision.

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But for people who take

the pivot and explore.

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Different careers.

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The, I think you also mentioned

the discovering your values,

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which in itself could take time.

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'cause like you might not have known that,

oh, you valued creativity and you might

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discover that in your early thirties.

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Late thirties.

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However, wherever you are,

you're at in your journey, right?

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Like there, you respect your own pace.

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There is no one way to do things.

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And to that point, I wanted to bring

up this idea of a hierarchy of values.

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'cause obviously, yes, we need to be

able to financially be stable before

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we can explore those things, right?

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So maybe that that comes

first and foremost.

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And then I mentioned about authenticity

and your, that creative space.

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And also lastly, the idea of like shaping

the world how you want it to become.

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So there's that sense of giving back.

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I remember when I was in college,

they were giving us a framework of

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how to choose your profession and,

you know, if I, if I could give myself

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my younger self advice, it's that

I don't need to have all of those

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values present all at the same time.

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I could take it one at a time

because if you have too much

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constraints into how you're choosing

profession, it can be very limiting.

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And to put the responsibility

of shaping the world on your

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shoulders when you don't even.

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Know how to take care of yourself is a

big ask, and it, it might paralyze someone

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who does want to do good for the world,

but can't even take care of themselves.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: Hmm hmm.

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I like how you point out that it's

almost like there's this phrase trying

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to boil the ocean, that sometimes

you have to prioritize or put things

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in a certain order because tack

trying to tackle them all at once

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can feel overwhelming and might.

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End up to feeling immobilized

and not actually making

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progress in any of those areas.

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Or make, maybe only making progress in

one because it feels too hard or too

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complex, or don't know where to start when

it comes to moving forward with others.

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So giving yourself that permission

to put things in order and tackle

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them in a, or prioritize those

values makes a ton of sense.

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I think that what you

said resonates a lot.

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I heard this phrase recently

that delays are not denials.

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So just deciding that like, I need to

take care of my needs first, like paying

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the bills or figuring out a stable

foundation for myself and my family.

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It's okay to not be

spending five hours a week.

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Engaged in, perhaps it's homelessness

is a really important issue.

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Or perhaps you love baking and wanna

start a side hustle doing baking.

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Like, it's okay if you haven't started

baking yet, or you're not spending the

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amount, time of time that you hope to

one day like the, the delaying of it.

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Doesn't mean it's never gonna happen.

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Irene Uy: Mm.

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And I do, I am a firm believer that when

it's important to you, it'll happen.

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So let it let it sit in the back burner

for as long as you want, because when

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you're ready for it, the thoughts

will come, the action will come.

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I mean, that could partly be

facilitated by coaching, but.

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I'm a firm believer that the important

things will come to you because you would

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not forget those if they really mean,

if they really mean that much for you.

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One thing we talked about, you know,

before we started recording today,

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is the idea of practicing the person

that you want to become because.

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Between the space of where you're at

right now and who you want to become

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while also remaining true to your

values and being authentic to yourself

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and to the people you want to serve.

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There can be this space of

imposter syndrome, right?

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Because you don't want to be, you

don't wanna fake it till you make

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it, but at the same time, like.

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Yeah.

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I can't tell you that I am a great

public speaker or a great coach.

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Right away I am doing the practice rounds.

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Mm-hmm.

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But their practice

rounds are just as real.

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And I am working towards becoming

a person that could both serve the

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audience that I'm meant to serve and

feel true to me in a way that does

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not, does not do me a disservice.

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You know, take reel reels

me to different direction.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: Mm.

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That idea of the the fake

it till you make it thing.

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It's, it's funny 'cause I feel

like there's some, you don't want

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someone to not be themselves and

then make it in the sense that

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they've kind of sold others This.

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Image or persona, and it's essentially

like building a life on a lie or

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maybe only doing acting a certain way

to make money or fame or influence

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and, and you're acting in a way that

isn't real to you, or at least I think

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that's where the, the negative judgment

around that phrase comes up for me.

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But I, I think like you're saying,

the, that action taking is so important

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and it won't always feel comfortable.

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So understanding, like it may feel like

you're faking it and giving yourself

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permission to feel that, like that

imposter syndrome, but it doesn't mean

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that it's not a worthy experience and

it's not important for you to do anyway.

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Like I, I think looping back to the

coaching and the self-knowledge,

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understanding why certain feelings and

emotions come up in certain situations

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is important because it can feel like,

oh, this is, this is, I'm faking it.

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And I'm not being authentic to myself.

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If you don't know or if, if you haven't

dug and deeper to figure out like,

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oh, I'm, I'm afraid in this situation

because the last time I did this it

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didn't work out, or my parents always

said this and that about salespeople,

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and this feels really salesy to me.

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So like.

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Once you've identified kind of those

triggers and those biases that might

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be influencing your, your gut, you

can address them and kind of push

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them aside and get clearer on Okay.

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Like, is this something I

still really wanna do, you

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know, ignoring everything else.

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Mm-hmm.

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Does that come up for you two?

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Irene Uy: Yes, you make me think

of like during coaching sessions, I

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actually feel really anxious because

I do want to do well by the client.

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So there I have a certain expectation

of my own performance, even though

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the client wouldn't really pick

up on it because they don't really

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know what to expect out of coaching.

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So I, I feel the imposter

syndrome, I feel the perfectionism.

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But you know, what's really helped

is when I take a step back and

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accept myself failures and all.

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Because that's, that's

where I'm at right now.

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And this is a space where we

can both be authentic and real.

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And I find that presence, just being

in the conversation like we are right

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now helps me be authentic and actually.

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Delivers a better coaching

experience for my clients.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: It's, it's making me

think of how that phrase of people will

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remember, won't remember what you said.

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They won't remember what

you did, but they'll always

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remember how you made them feel.

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I think it was, oh my gosh, author.

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It's not Tony Morrison.

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But I will get back to this and I'll

put it in the show notes because,

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but Maya Angelou, that's who it was.

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But you know, the outcomes of a

conversation and of a interaction

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or a coaching session, that might

be what we're worried about.

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But ultimately, like you're saying,

if you're showing up in a certain

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way and really being a intentional.

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Listener and it that will ultimately

make them feel better about how the

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session went and their interactions

with you, regardless of the outcome.

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Irene Uy: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I think we're, it just goes to show

that we are our own worst critics

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because I've never heard a client

like really rip through my coaching.

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A lot of people are actually

more understanding and.

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Encouraging and supportive than

judgmental because we all are,

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we're all a work in progress.

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We're all a work in progress.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: Yeah, that

I love hearing that because

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I, I think you're right.

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Like we are, I.

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We are allowed to fail.

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And by putting ourselves out there

and doing hard things, regardless of

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whether we're certain they're gonna

work out perfectly, which there is no

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perfect, but you know, it's, we are

practicing what we preach and modeling

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the kind of worlds we wanna live in.

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So that's actually

what's coming up for me.

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As you were saying that

like, yeah, there's, there's.

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A lot of benefit to allowing yourself

to play in that space of authenticity,

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even if it feels hard, even if you

mess up and there's, there's just

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a lot of grace that exists there

and sometimes it may surprise you.

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Irene Uy: Hmm.

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One thing you asked me earlier was how do

you know whether the discomfort is just

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discomfort or whether this is actually a.

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Challenge that you're growing into, right.

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Because there's a reason

we're, we're trying to change.

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We're, we're trying to move

into that space of discomfort.

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We're trying to get somewhere.

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In my experience, as you know, when,

when we're talking about identity,

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I'm not trying to rush to figure out

who I am because that needs space

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and time to try different things.

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Mm-hmm.

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And you might find that the experience

might be uncomfortable and you get

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to decide in your own time whether.

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It's uncomfortable because this

doesn't feel like who you are.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: Mm-hmm.

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Irene Uy: Or it's uncomfortable because

you are at that cusp of transformation.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: Mm-hmm.

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Irene Uy: Yeah.

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I think there's a clear difference

when with the way that you feel it.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: Yes.

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Yeah.

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Would you say like, how are the ways, I

think we touched on this a little bit when

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we were talking about the faking it, you

know, and, and under trying to understand

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why certain feelings may come up.

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I'm curious what tools to you use

to kind of decipher after you've,

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you know, like you said, experienced

discomfort and, you know, I, I feel like.

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Reflection after the, just having time

to process after the fact, and not

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always immediately after the fact,

but letting your body settle down.

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Letting the adrenaline rush or the nerve

settle a bit, but kind of really paying

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attention to how do I feel that went and

dis and kind of weighing in with those.

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Things that I know might be

altering my impression of it.

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So whether it's, you know, judgments

from past experiences around that topic

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or that experience, or things people

have said, failures in that space that

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I've encountered, like, you know, so

using kind of my past experiences and

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understanding of things that might

be influencing how I feel about it,

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as well as like a little kind of.

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Post emotional spike, like a

physical check to see really how

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did I feel that went and how am

I feeling about that experience?

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Yeah.

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I'm curious if you, what,

how do you approach that?

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The discernment post, post

feeling uncomfortable.

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Irene Uy: I think you touched

on it perfectly and let me,

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let me just like simplify it.

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Like, I think for me the question

is am I doing it for myself or

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am I doing it for other people?

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'cause am I trying to shape who I am

to be liked by other people, or is

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there a version of me that can feel

true to me and be of service to others?

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So just to.

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I guess relate to my personal experience.

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'cause I was telling Cat about

how I'm finally getting to an

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understanding of my identity, not

just as a coach, but like who I am,

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like as it goes beyond coaching now.

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So I, I really relate a lot with

overachievers who might be putting in

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a lot of work but don't seem to reap

the rewards of their own hard work.

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And so they end up.

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Burning out without any

semblance of work-life balance.

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They're not getting paid what they're

worth, and they're spending way

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too much time doing the work that

they're not getting paid much for.

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So, yeah, and a lot of that has to

do with not setting boundaries, not

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being able to speak up at work and.

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You know, I, I think for, for people

like myself in the past who thought that

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being smart was the way to advance in the

world, being technically proficient and

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working hard, there are limits to those.

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And so it's been helpful for me to

do the inner work to be able to be.

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Better at negotiations and seeking

opportunities and doing so.

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That feels authentic to me.

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Not into the way that we see most

role models out there, but doing

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it in such a way that honors my

femininity without being seen as weak.

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Hmm.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: Hmm.

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I love that you're touching on like

authenticity with that lens of still,

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or kind of a, a lens of how can I

still accomplish what I want in a

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way that, yeah, that just feels more,

gosh, I'm gonna say authentic again.

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I wish I had another, a synonym

lined up for this, but that you,

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it, it's so important I think

to when you're approaching.

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Difficult decisions in life, whether

it's or, or situations, whether it's

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asking for that raise or whether it's

a job, a career switch, or maybe ending

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a relationship or trying to reframe

and rework the relationships you have

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with important people in your life.

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Being able to do so in a way that

that's true to you so that you know

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you aren't inadvertently showing up.

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I think it's almost like the journey

and destination aspect of things where

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you wanna be able to feel good about

how you got there and still be working

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towards getting there in the first place.

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So the, the way you mentioned femininity

and that's like the approach towards

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your, you wanna have that sense of

truth as well as still be working.

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You know, hitting the marks towards

getting, accomplishing your goals

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or, you know, working towards that

progress that you're hoping for.

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Irene Uy: Right.

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And I, I think we've come full

circle from where we started.

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'cause you know, to be able to explore

your creativity in a way that expresses

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your identity, what, while also making

sure that it's practical, it all comes

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together at the end of it, right?

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: Mm-hmm.

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Mm.

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So if you were to have kind of a

parting thought you wanted to leave

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folks with after this episode about,

you know, authenticity and growth,

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what would you want people to remember?

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This episode, by,

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Irene Uy: gosh, there's so

many, but maybe let's leave the

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audience with, visual analogy.

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Identity is kind of like trying on new

clothes and maybe for a time you like

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what you see and there will come a time

where you're, you're sick of it and you

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wanna change clothes, that's fine too.

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But I, I guess finding your identity

is trial and error, and you can stain

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it for as long as you want until

you're ready for your new identity.

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Carmelita "Cat" Tiu: Hmm.

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I love that it's uplifting.

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Optimistic, makes me feel open,

and I think that's the perfect tone

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to kind of wrap things up with.

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Irene Uy: Thanks for

listening to the Coach is In.

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If something from today's episode

made you stop and think or even

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roll your eyes, don't worry.

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That's part of the process.

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If you're curious to hear more, hit

follow, leave a review or share this

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episode with someone who gets it.

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Remember, we're not

promising perfect answers.

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Every small shift can

make a big difference.

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Until next time, take care of yourself.

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The coach is in and this space is

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for you

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About the Podcast

The Coach Is In
the podcast for parent-leaders who are carrying it all: careers, kids, family, and the invisible weight no one seems to see.
Meet your hosts, Cat and Irene.

Irene is a certified leadership coach on a mission to break intergenerational cycles and bridge generational gaps. The way we lead at home doesn’t just shape our families—it seeps into how we show up at work. Irene brings the perspective of a daughter to the parent-leader challenges we’re unpacking here.

Cat is a coach, lawyer and mom who works with high-achieving moms and service-oriented women like her—women who are burning bright but sometimes burning out. Together, we’re diving deep into the messy, beautiful balancing act of leading your family, leaning into your work and living your life without losing yourself in the process.

So, if you’ve ever wondered, “How can I show up for my family AND take care of myself?” or “When is it time to let go of old patterns that don’t serve me?”—we’ve got you. Because the coach is in—and this space is for you.