Decision Fatigue and MFDs (Mostly Fine Decision)
Decision fatigue is real, and as parent leaders juggling work, family, and personal lives, we face countless small and big decisions daily.
In this episode, Cat and Irene discuss how reducing choices, embracing "mostly fine" decisions, and delegating responsibility can make decision-making easier and more effective.
Content Highlights
The Burden of Daily Decisions
- The countless decisions parents make every day—from dinner choices to extracurriculars.
- How too many choices can create stress rather than freedom.
- The concept of decision fatigue and how it affects mental energy.
The Paradox of Choice & Analysis Paralysis
- Insights from Barry Schwartz’s book The Paradox of Choice.
- How excessive choices can lead to overthinking and stress.
- "Analysis paralysis" and how it manifests in everyday life.
Normalizing Fewer Choices
- Why limiting choices can actually bring relief.
- Practical parenting examples: picking out clothes, meal options, and bedtime routines.
- Understanding decidophobia and ways to overcome it.
Making Decision-Making Fun & Efficient
- How to gamify decision-making: random selection, coin flips, and delegation.
- The importance of knowing what’s truly important.
- How prioritization can help reduce decision fatigue.
Delegation & Teaching Kids Independence
- How parents can delegate decisions to children without anxiety.
- The long-term benefits of teaching kids to make their own choices.
- Irene and Cat’s personal experiences with their children and decision-making.
Recap & Actionable Takeaways
- Identify low-stakes decisions and simplify them.
- Reduce choices to make decision-making more efficient and fun.
- Embrace "mostly fine" decisions to release the pressure of perfection.
- Start small—experiment with simplifying one area and see how it feels.
Final Thoughts & Calls to Action
- Progress, not perfection, is the goal.
- Decision-making is a skill that can be refined over time.
- Listeners are encouraged to try one simplification method this week.
Follow The Coach Is In on your favorite podcast platform. Share this episode with a fellow parent leader who needs to hear it. Leave a review and let us know how you manage decision fatigue!
Transcript
Welcome to The Coach Is In, the
podcast for parent leaders who are
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:juggling work, family, and life, and
wondering if there's actually a way
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:to do it all without falling apart.
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:I'm Cat, a coach, lawyer, and mom who's
been there, navigating the tightrope of
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:leadership at home and work, and figuring
out what's actually worth the energy.
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:And I'm Irene, a leadership coach
on a mission to bridge generational
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:gaps and bring fresh perspectives to
the challenges parent leaders face.
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:If you're skeptical that balance, calm, or
boundaries are even possible, we get it.
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:We're not here for quick
fixes or empty advice.
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:We're here to have honest conversations,
share practical tools, and maybe
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:even help you see things differently.
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:Because the coach is in,
and this space is for you.
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:Okay.
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:Let's talk about something that
every parent deals with, decisions.
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:And it's not just the big,
life altering decisions.
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:I'm talking about the hundreds of
tiny ones we make every single day.
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:What to make for dinner, which shoes
the kids should wear, whether we should
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:sign them up for yet another activity.
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:It's exhausting.
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:Yeah.
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:Oh my gosh.
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:Irene, yes.
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:Decision fatigue.
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:And we don't even realize how
much energy we're really spending
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:on these little decisions.
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:I remember, it literally was about 20
years ago, but there's a book called
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:The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz,
and I have it on my bookshelf, and now,
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:by, by now it's It's old enough where
I think it's been reissued and he's
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:gotten a number of books afterwards.
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:But I remember reading it
and thinking it blew my mind.
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:This is, this was my problem.
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:And in my family life, I often see how
I want to give my kids choice or they
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:think they need more choices because we
equate that with freedom or abundance.
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:But sometimes it can
just make things harder.
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:And create some anxiety.
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:And so navigating this
balance can be difficult.
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:Oh, I definitely heard of that book.
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:I have not read it, but I'm going
to add that to my reading list.
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:One thing that that makes me think of is,
you know, you talk about decision fatigue.
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:Have you heard of the
terminology analysis paralysis?
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:Yes.
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:Yes, exactly.
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:You can get stuck in that.
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:Mm hmm.
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:Yeah, so, yeah, I totally hear you
when you say like, oh, you know,
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:you can feel guilty that you're, you
might feel like you're not giving
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:your kids enough choices, but, you
know, where do you strike the balance
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:between giving them enough choices
and not giving them enough choices?
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:You know, I think the, first
we have to normalize the idea
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:of fewer choices being okay.
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:You know, so if you're someone that
fully embraces this idea of more
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:choice is always better, then it's
going to be hard for you to free
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:yourself from some of these situations
that cause decision making fatigue
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:and can lead to analysis paralysis.
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:And there's actually something called
decidophobia that is, you know,
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:extreme anxiety and worry that results
from an inability to make decisions.
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:So as we really think about I guess
whether or not it makes sense to
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:limit ourselves, reflect on how
do decisions make you feel, right?
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:So, you know, in certain circumstances,
like maybe when a kid's coloring, This is
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:just a very simplistic example, but you
might want that whole box of 64 crayons.
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:It, it, free expression,
et cetera, sky's the limit.
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:But in certain, in other
circumstances, like.
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:They're getting ready in the morning.
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:Sometimes it can be helpful if they only
have two clean pairs of pants because
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:they can only choose between two.
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:I remember doing this when my girls
were little, like instead of asking
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:them, what do you want to wear today?
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:Which could then lead to.
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:hours or certainly dozens of minutes
spent on them trying to decide between
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:outfit A, outfit B, these pants, this
top, et cetera, giving them two options
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:like the purple pants or the pink pants
and presenting it to them as the choice.
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:It eliminated so much decision making
time and frustration for them because
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:it, it, when you only have a limited
number of choices, sometimes it's more
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:obvious which one you should choose.
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:Oh my gosh, there's so many
things that came up for me, I
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:see, with what you just shared.
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:So I guess what I'm hearing you
say is that when you have too many
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:choices, what exactly is the goal here?
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:Because for me, coming from a
management engineering background,
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:Optimization is a big thing for
us, like you have to minimize time,
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:minimize cost, maximize revenue.
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:But you know, that, that doesn't always
have to be the case, and what it sounds
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:like what you're talking about is you
can make decisions more fun and less
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:stressful, and if the goal here is to
have fun, then you know, maybe less
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:choices would, what do you call this,
there is no right choice that would
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:get you to the goal of having fun.
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:I, I like what you, how you're
tying it back to essentially
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:this sense of value, right?
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:Or like, what is the priority here?
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:What are you trying to come away with?
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:So yes, like you can make
decision making fun and make
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:limiting choices kind of feel fun.
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:Because I think when people think of
limitation or restriction, there's this.
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:potential feeling of loss.
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:Like, why would I only want to
choose from two things when I
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:could choose from 102 things?
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:But it doesn't have to be that way.
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:You can reframe that, the limited
spectrum, by, like you said,
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:choosing to prioritize perhaps the
spontaneity of it or the fun of it.
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:So if you are, for instance, with
your kids and you're trying to
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:decide where to eat, It, I don't
know about you, but I know that
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:sometimes it's like, we could go here.
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:What about this?
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:How about here?
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:And then suddenly 20 minutes later, you
still haven't decided on a place to eat,
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:or maybe you're surfing Netflix or Amazon,
and you're trying to figure out a show to
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:watch, and all of a sudden it's like 30
minutes later, you still haven't decided.
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:So.
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:Some of the ways that can make it
fun and can eliminate this sense
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:of fatigue and, and the weight
of deciding is pick at random.
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:You, I know I've heard of people who
will put a map on the wall when they're
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:trying to decide where to go for vacation.
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:And it might be a map of the U.
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:S.
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:It might be a map of their state.
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:So it doesn't have to mean you're,
you know, the dart lands in
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:India and you are going to India.
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:But, you know, so, so.
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:You limiting to some extent where
the randomness occurs and then
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:going with wherever that dart lands,
you know, throw a dart at the map.
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:It lands on Madison, Wisconsin.
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:Then you have fun coming up with
all the ways you can discover
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:and explore Madison, Wisconsin.
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:So that's one way I know that.
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:For me, sometimes delegating a
decision about dinner can make it
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:kind of fun for me and fun for my kid.
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:Like, I don't want to have to decide
between spaghetti carbonara or
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:pesto or spaghetti and meatballs.
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:So, you pick.
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:And maybe they have a really strong
opinion about it and they choose
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:and then, you know, I go with it.
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:So there's different ways to kind of have
the decision be made from a limited set
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:without it having to feel so bogged down
by like scarcity or negativity, you know,
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:I know that flipping a coin, some people
do that where narrow things down to two
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:options and then just flip a coin and
then the fates, let the fates have it.
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:So that, that's, that's another way that
you can reduce your decision fatigue
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:and keep it light hearted, you know,
not making it feel like it's somehow a
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:burden by, by limiting it to something
like to a narrower set of things.
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:You know, as you're mentioning that
one element that came up for me was the
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:element of time, because when you're
coming from a place of scarcity, it
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:feels like the decision that you make.
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:You're kind of stuck with it, but in
reality, you do have time to explore
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:these options and maybe you pick
this one now, but then you pick the
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:other choice at some point later.
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:Mm.
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:Yes.
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:Yes.
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:That's another great suggestion is, you
know, if there's four things that your
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:family wants to do, instead of having to
choose, maybe you do do them all at once,
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:but you schedule them out or plot them out
so that there's some that are done later
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:and there are some that are done first.
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:And that way you maybe don't have to
decide or, or the decision is more about
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:timing and it's a win versus a hope.
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:So, yeah, that's a
really, really good point.
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:So for the parents listening, what's one
thing they can start doing today to take
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:some of the stress out of decision making?
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:I think one of the ways that, or one of
the things that really helps me is to
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:really get clear on your values, right?
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:Because.
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:You may have heard at least within the
business context, you can have good, fast
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:or cheap, you can get two out of three,
but you can't have all three at once.
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:So it's a kind of a tome that
forces you to acknowledge that you
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:have to prioritize certain things.
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:And similarly, I think if you can
kind of come up with or identify
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:your most important values that can
help you in a pinch, determine like
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:which one here is really better.
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:So for instance, My husband and I will
go shopping together, grocery shopping,
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:and sometimes we don't, he might have
seen a commercial about this pasta
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:sauce, and I might have heard something
about this one, or how do we decide?
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:It might come down to price, like that
is our tie breaking value, is price.
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:It might be.
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:Which is organic?
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:Are there preservatives in it?
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:Is it local?
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:You know, so kind of deciding in advance
if there are certain values that you
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:know rise to the top for you Remembering
those and bringing them up if you're in a
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:situation that feels kind of wishy washy
or you're just caught up in Indecision
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:knowing those values and revisiting those
and letting that be the tiebreaker can be
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:helpful Another thing that I really love,
and I think I may have touched a little
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:bit about, or this, this relates to kind
of perfectionism, which we've discussed
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:in previous episodes, is this idea of
letting go of what something is supposed
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:to look like and being okay with it.
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:Mostly fine good enough.
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:There's a book.
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:There was a senator.
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:His name is Ben sass I forget the name
of this book, but I remember this from
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:it, which is the mostly fine decision
the MFD and There are gonna be situations
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:in life where you just have to walk
away knowing that it was an MFD It was
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:a mostly fine decision You know, did
you say you're at a ice cream shop and
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:there's 31 flavors and you're hemming
and hawing about which one to, to go with
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:once, like pick a default or, you know,
decide on what flavor you're going to eat.
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:And then even if.
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:You, you know, accept the fact
that mostly fine is good enough.
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:So let go of the need for perfection
because that really is going to perpetuate
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:that extended decision making time.
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:Because I think that can lead us to
really like thinking over researching
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:over analyzing like the analysis paralysis
you mentioned and thinking that there is.
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:a perfect outcome that there is one
right thing when in fact, I think perhaps
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:all of our decisions are mostly fine
decisions where we're going to be okay.
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:We will thrive regardless.
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:We'll learn from a situation,
even if it may not go exactly
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:the way we expect it to.
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:And ultimately it's a mostly fine thing.
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:So embrace the MFD.
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:Like it doesn't have to be.
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:You know, the, the prom dress
that is going to be go viral.
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:Do you love it?
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:Like, is it pretty?
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:Do you, do you, are you comfortable in it?
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:Then that, is it mostly fine?
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:Great.
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:Go with that.
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:So I think those two things, if parents
can really get clear in their values
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:and understand like sort of these tie
breakers and knowing that this doesn't.
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:Not everything needs to be micro analyzed
and understanding the relationship of
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:perfectionism in decision making and
leaning into the mostly fine decision.
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:Those are two different angles of
how we can kind of start to let go
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:of the stress of decision making.
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:I, I love that because what you,
what you remind me of is like, I feel
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:like we're bringing our professional
selves into the small decisions that
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:wouldn't really move the needle for us.
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:So it's like, Oh, you know, the hyper
achieving mom who's in the office
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:is also the same person making these
decisions, but it doesn't have to
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:be like, we can relieve ourselves of
that, of that pressure because these
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:small decisions wouldn't really.
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:Um, I don't know if that would
move the needle for us or would
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:change one way or another.
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:One thing that I am curious to
know of Cat, because you mentioned
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:delegating decisions, and I know
you have two teen daughters, is, um,
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:How has it been like for you to also
delegate these decisions to them?
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:Hmm.
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:It, well, as someone that struggles with
perfectionism and likes to manage and
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:control things, because I often have
this tendency to think that I will make
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:sure it gets done, quote unquote, right.
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:It wasn't easy initially,
but I will say, and I think.
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:Most of us who've tried, you know, are
grappling and engaging in the practice
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:of overcoming perfectionism know this
to be true, that it does get easier,
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:you know, or you start to realize the
fallacy of you, the idea of perfect
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:and the idea that you are the only
person that can do something right.
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:So of course.
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:You know, there, there is a learning
curve and so as I've delegated things
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:to my daughters, like for instance,
I, when they were little, I was able
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:to fold their laundry and make sure it
got put in their drawers a certain way.
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:So it was easy for me to find
when they needed it or easy for
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:them to find when they needed it.
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:And now that they do their own
laundry, I have to be okay with
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:it not being folded the way.
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:I want it to be folded.
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:But I also remember what's the goal here?
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:What's the priority here?
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:And similar to kind of the,
what's, what's really important.
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:And the, the idea of taking the
stress out of decision making.
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:If the goal is they're able to find what
they need and that's getting met, then how
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:it gets met, I have, I can let go of it.
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:So that for me, Understanding what's
the ultimate goal here is, is key
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:so that I'm clear on whether, you
know, that's mostly being attained.
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:Another thing that helps with delegating
and overcoming that fear of delegation
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:is remembering how it's benefiting them.
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:Like when it comes to parents and kids,
there is no Joy in and like thinking
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:long term in raising a kid that cannot
Be independent and and isn't capable
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:of taking care of themselves on their
own So are these life skills that I
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:know that they will need to have in
order to navigate life on their own?
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:with success and and feel
capable when I'm not around.
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:And if this ties into that and
supporting that, then it allows me,
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:it gives me permission to, to delegate
not just because it's something that
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:I may not want to do, but because
it's something that I know is going
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:to benefit them in the long run.
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:So that's something that often is a
refrain in my mind when I'm thinking about
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:delegation and the big picture of things.
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:And it's, it's not about, it's not always
about me, you know, and it's not always
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:about Me needing control or whatnot.
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:A lot of times it's, this needs
to happen because you need to
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:learn how to do this for yourself.
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:You are of a certain age where this
is something that you can learn and
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:this will be helpful for you to feel
independent and capable and able to
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:navigate and thrive in life on your own.
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:I love that.
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:Thank you for sharing because so what
this reminds me of is that family is
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:a team and while it may seem Parents
and children might be on different
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:sides of the fences, you really are
really working towards the same goal.
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:And on top of that, you are also
nurturing your kids to become
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:independent, to be able to make
their own decisions while Achieving
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:the goals that you have as a family.
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:And, and the delegation doesn't have
to be a wholesale, like, okay, tomorrow
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:you're making dinner, you know, it's,
it can be, like, even with their laundry
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:as that example, like, I think it
started with, Us folding together and
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:then us putting clothes away together
and then maybe I did the folding with
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:them and then let them put them away
on their own and then suddenly it
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:became they do everything on their own.
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:So it can be in small steps and
gradually like it doesn't have to
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:feel so hard for you or for them.
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:If the delegation is kind of broken down
into smaller phases so that it's not
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:overwhelming to them and it's not You
know, super sudden for you as a parent
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:where you're wondering and perhaps
anxious because you, you've taken
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:all these micro steps and seen their
successes along the way to know that,
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:okay, full delegation, because I've seen
you go through ABCDE is not a big deal.
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:Like I know that you're capable and
you're kind of going to succeed in this.
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:I love that.
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:So just to recap, there's so much
goodness that we've covered today.
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:So the first thing that I wanted,
that I wanted to take away from our
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:conversation tonight is that not every
choice needs to be a deep thought.
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:Identify low stakes
decisions and simplify them.
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:The second would be to reduce choices
because in, in doing so it could be fun.
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:So using tricks like picking
things at random or delegating.
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:And the third one would be
mostly fine decisions are fine.
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:We let go of perfectionism
in everyday choices.
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:And as you just shared, you can
start small because you don't have
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:to overhaul everything at once.
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:Just experiment with simplifying
one area and see how it feels.
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:So before we wrap up tonight's session,
what is one thing you would like to share
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:to parents who might be listening tonight?
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:It's a slight tweak on a quote that
I've shared in a previous episode,
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:but, you know, remember that the
goal is progress, not perfection.
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:And I think when we think of, when
we embrace that, we understand
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:that mostly fine truly is fine.
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:And that limiting choices
isn't necessarily a, somehow a
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:relegation to a lesser person.
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:And so just.
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:Think of how all of this in the
grand scheme of things is helping
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:you make progress as a person.
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:I love that.
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:Well, there you have it, folks.
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:Thanks for listening to The Coach is In.
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:If something from today's episode
made you stop and think or even
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:roll your eyes, don't worry.
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:That's part of the process.
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:If you're curious to hear more, hit
follow, leave a review, or share this
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:episode with someone who gets it.
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:Remember, we're not
promising perfect answers.
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:But every small shift can make a
big difference until next time.
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:Take care of yourself, the coach
is in, and this space is for you.
